[x123]

Today a wife of one of our employees called me. Apparently she was in the middle of an argument with her husband (my employee), and she called me in an attempt to retaliate against her husband. She claimed that her husband hits her in front of her children and so forth. I told her that she should report it to whatever government agency handles those things. Then her husband took the phone and apologized about his wife calling me.

I guess I will do nothing. I know that my employee's wife has family in this area who apparently know about this problem. I feel bad for his wife if she is a victim of domestic violence, but what can I do that can't be more appropriately handled by her own family or a government agency?

Any thoughts? In some ways I hate being an employer, because I want to help our employees solve all their problems. I let their worries become my worries, and it wears me out psychologically. Helping is useless if the employee doesn't also care about solving the problems.

[kindachaotic]

Since wife claims this abuse is being done in front of their kids I'd report it to CPS (Child Protective Services). Let them decide if husband should stay in household.

Similar situation across street from me a few yrs ago but it was the wife drunk & out of hand physically with kids & husband. I knew she drank too much but not all the other stuff. Turned out the school got involved coz she wasn't getting kids to school. Came to a head one night when she was so drunk she called police on the kids (then 11 and 14) saying they were abusing her... She went to jail then to mandatory rehab somewhere out of state. Was gone about a year but not allowed back in marital home coz she hasn't been able to stay clean. She lives with her dad, when she isn't on some kind of binge...

That was long winded... But it wasn't me reporting but I would have if I'd have known how bad it was coz her husband had been letting it all slide.

Not to say your employee is drinking or doing drugs but since wife called I could not, in good conscience, just do nothing. Can certainly understand how hard it would be to take on your employees problems but sounds like some boundaries need to be set on keeping work separate from personal issues.

Don't know if this helped but good luck. Sorry for the ramble...

Odd that someone being abused would reach out the abuser's boss - what is that supposed to accomplish? If she wanted help, it would be rational for her to call the police, CPS, or a hotline. Of course I could be completely wrong here, but it makes me question her motivation and truthfulness.

I guess if she calls again, have some phone numbers to social services at the ready to offer her? I suppose you could question your employee if he and his family would benefit from some sort of 3rd party assistance - is Employee Assistance Program (EAP) a benefit you offer employees? He made need some tools to help his family and doesn't know where to get it or where to begin looking.

[Ladycakes]

You'll probably find you have a duty to do something about this. Do you have a HR department? If so, contact ten to make a statement as they will know the legal liabilities and will take things further from there. If you are a smaller business and don't have a HR, then contact your local police department to ask who you should report this complaint to. It may be social services or department of child welfare or aomething, and they may not be able to do anything but you have to make sure you're not potentially allowing domestic violence to continue. And then set a meeting with your employee to explain that any complaint made must be taken seriously and that you have simply forwarded it on, but that it will not effect your working relationship as he is a prized employee etc, whatever it is you value about him. You might offer him counselling if he feels he needs to discuss anything personal.

If nothing is happening then nothing will come of you passing the info on. If the complaint holds truth then you can't in good conscience let it slide and allow it continue. Worst case scenario someone is badly injured or killed and you knew about it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[x123]

Originally Posted by Onward

Odd that someone being abused would reach out the abuser's boss - what is that supposed to accomplish? If she wanted help, it would be rational for her to call the police, CPS, or a hotline. Of course I could be completely wrong here, but it makes me question her motivation and truthfulness.

I guess if she calls again, have some phone numbers to social services at the ready to offer her? I suppose you could question your employee if he and his family would benefit from some sort of 3rd party assistance - is Employee Assistance Program (EAP) a benefit you offer employees? He made need some tools to help his family and doesn't know where to get it or where to begin looking.

We don't have EAP. We do have medical insurance that covers part of psychotherapy (I use that feature). I suspect the wife was calling me as a way of hurting her husband. Probably she was saying "I'm going to call your boss", and he was saying "You wouldn't dare", and then she called me. Her mother lives in the same area. In fact they had been living with her mother until a few months ago. So I'm certain that her mother knows what is going on. In fact the wife mentioned that her mother knows about the domestic violence in our short phone conversation. Sometimes I think the problem is that the abused partner is unwilling to take action that might end the relationship.

My parents ran this small business before my brother and I took over. Their secretary was married to an abusive husband. They tried in some small ways to help her, and the husband's thuggish friends retaliated in various ways. They broke the windshield out of my parent's car, and later they attempted to burn their house down. However, that secretary eventually divorced her abusive husband, and I'm sure she is much happier. So it had a happy ending.

[x123]

Originally Posted by kindachaotic

Since wife claims this abuse is being done in front of their kids I'd report it to CPS (Child Protective Services). Let them decide if husband should stay in household.

Similar situation across street from me a few yrs ago but it was the wife drunk & out of hand physically with kids & husband. I knew she drank too much but not all the other stuff. Turned out the school got involved coz she wasn't getting kids to school. Came to a head one night when she was so drunk she called police on the kids (then 11 and 14) saying they were abusing her... She went to jail then to mandatory rehab somewhere out of state. Was gone about a year but not allowed back in marital home coz she hasn't been able to stay clean. She lives with her dad, when she isn't on some kind of binge...

That was long winded... But it wasn't me reporting but I would have if I'd have known how bad it was coz her husband had been letting it all slide.

Not to say your employee is drinking or doing drugs but since wife called I could not, in good conscience, just do nothing. Can certainly understand how hard it would be to take on your employees problems but sounds like some boundaries need to be set on keeping work separate from personal issues.

Don't know if this helped but good luck. Sorry for the ramble...

Thanks, it seems to me that the wife wants the violence to end, but she doesn't want the marriage to end. She could have called a government agency as easily as she called me, but I suspect she didn't call a government agency, because she doesn't want them to become involved. The wife also told me that her mother is aware of the problem, and that is why they moved out of their house recently.

[x123]

Originally Posted by Ladycakes

You'll probably find you have a duty to do something about this. Do you have a HR department? If so, contact ten to make a statement as they will know the legal liabilities and will take things further from there. If you are a smaller business and don't have a HR, then contact your local police department to ask who you should report this complaint to. It may be social services or department of child welfare or aomething, and they may not be able to do anything but you have to make sure you're not potentially allowing domestic violence to continue. And then set a meeting with your employee to explain that any complaint made must be taken seriously and that you have simply forwarded it on, but that it will not effect your working relationship as he is a prized employee etc, whatever it is you value about him. You might offer him counselling if he feels he needs to discuss anything personal.

If nothing is happening then nothing will come of you passing the info on. If the complaint holds truth then you can't in good conscience let it slide and allow it continue. Worst case scenario someone is badly injured or killed and you knew about it.

It just seems to me that if the wife's mother is aware of this problem, then I need to stay out of it.

[Ladycakes]

Originally Posted by x123

It just seems to me that if the wife's mother is aware of this problem, then I need to stay out of it.

Nope. This is why domestic violence is prevalent in our society, people think it's not their business or that they shouldn't get involved. And then children grow up abused or someone is killed, because the victim either didn't bother telling anyone because they didn't think anyone would help, or because everyone looked the other way. You'll find her mother probably is of the opinion it between a husband a wife. That's an antiquated ideal stemming from when wives were chattel and property of the husband to do with as they wished.

Ladycakes, what do you see would be different if the business owner calls the authorities, they investigate and get involved vs the abused wife calls the authorities herself? I might be missing something.

[Ladycakes]

Originally Posted by Onward

Ladycakes, what do you see would be different if the business owner calls the authorities, they investigate and get involved vs the abused wife calls the authorities herself? I might be missing something.

The difference is that often the abused partner DOESNT call the authorities. They do often reach out to others for assistance though and then to have that call for help ignored, that sends a message that nobody cares if you are being abused so don't bother reporting it properly. If there was any evidence that the authorities had been alerted already then the employer wouldn't have that duty to report it.

Another perspective is this: what if, in this instance, the wife is abusing the husband? If she is threatening to report him for abuse in a bid to control him, THAT is a form of abuse. And if she is doing that, how else might she be attempting to control him? What if she is physically abusing him? There is so much stigma attached to domestic abuse and it's worse if the abused party is male because society thinks he could take care of himself, this guy might not want to admit it to anybody.

So either he is abusing her or she is lying to control him. Either way it's abuse, either way it is wrong, either way a third party who knows about it should report it.

[Bill3]

In approximately 18 States and Puerto Rico, any person
who suspects child abuse or neglect is required to report.
Of these 18 States, 16 States and Puerto Rico specify
certain professionals who must report, but also require all
persons to report suspected abuse or neglect, regardless
of profession.

(Delaware, Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Maryland, Mississippi,
Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Texas, and Utah.)

New Jersey and Wyoming require all
persons to report without specifying any professions. In all
other States, territories, and the District of Columbia, any
person is permitted to report. These voluntary reporters
of abuse are often referred to as “permissive reporters.”

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/manda.pdf

Ladycakes, thanks for your reply.

Bill3, appreciate the information.

All - I ask the question not because of the issue's lack of seriousness, just curious and probing the nuances. I would think from an employer's perspective, the issues of (1) adult domestic violence, and (2) a duty to report (or failure to report) is unique per governing jurisdiction (state.) I'm not even clear on the duty to report outside of certain industries (healthcare, for example). It's very interesting.