[Bluegirl1226]

Hello, I am new here. I suffered sexual abuse as a child. That is all I am going to say about the abuse. I am bipolar and ADD. I was bulimic some 20 years ago. I have been in remission all that time. I had made so much progress in my healing I no longer had flashbacks. Suddenly the flashbacks have returned; the bulimia is back. My psychiatrist tells me that at my age (56) my body can no longer handle the abuse and the chance of death goes up exponentially. I have made an appt. with a therapist who specializes in trauma, on Wednesday of next week. I am terrified to do this. I have never said what happened out loud. I am scared. I don’t know if I will be able to do it. I shudder at the thought of having to go in there and tell someone this. But a friend of mine is convinced that the abuse is at the bottom of my bulimia and that I must pull myself up and look at it and talk about it. I am consumed with fear. Afraid of judgment, rejection, repulsion, etc. I am afraid of the psychologist telling someone else in the office and everytime I go into that office that person will look at me with disgust. I know that they have taken an oath of confidentiality, but that doesn’t mean they will honor it. I am looking for a place of solace, acceptance and a listening ear when things are bad. Have I found it?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Bluegirl1226: Under your username, it says you have 6 posts. However, in reading this post, it sounds as though perhaps it was your first Thread (?). (Perhaps the other 5 were replies to other members' Threads?) Anyway... I'll assume this was your first Thread & say... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

The Skeezyks is 67. While I have struggled with mental health issues my entire life, I managed to keep the cork in the bottle, so to speak, for the first 50 years or so. Then a not overly serious bout with cancer caused me to begin to lose control. I've been dissembling ever since. So I would agree with your psychiatrist. From my perspective, the older one gets (particularly past 50) the more difficult it gets to maintain control of mental health struggles that one was able to squelch when one was younger. It's good you are taking the initiative to see a therapist. I know, from personal experience, how difficult this can be. But it's worth doing...

I believe you will find there are many knowledgeable & caring members here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more connected to the community you will become. Plus there are chat rooms you can participate in & social groups you can join. It's all good. My best wishes to you...

[Bluegirl1226]

Skeezyks -- yes I replied to some other users on both the Bulimia forum and on the Bipolar forum so that is where the 6 posts comes from.

Thank you for your reply. I hope to find some kindred spirits and I feel I can.

Thanks again
Bluegirl1226