[Psych_Me]

There's something that I have been thinking about, on and off, for years now. And, since I'm here, I might as well ask you guys.
When I was about 11, 12 maybe, there was this man, my fathers friend, that was almost always around. Sort of become a regular guest in our house. And he was, let say around 50 at the time, give or take a few years. A big man, a big, tall, fat and bold man. And he was nice. Always nice to me, and laughing and making me smile and just seem like an all around nice guy.
So, I had these two, let say awkward, moments with him. First was the day I bought a new bed. There was no one home but me when it arrived, and he was helping me carry it up the stairs. We did that, and than strange things started happening. He was very strong so he could easily subdue me. He held my face and started kissing it. Just kissing my eyes and cheeks and my entire face, and I couldn’t get away because he was a strong guy and I was a kid.
That passed and then there was this moment which I remember a bit fuzzy. I know I was leaving the house, and was gonna go downstairs to say hi to my grandparents. And he was there and I just remember him holding me in front of him, my back turned to his front and he was holding me above my elbows so that I basically couldn’t move. He then rubbed my nipples, over my clothes, just making circular motions. I tried to set loose, but I couldn’t, and he was still holding me and the way he was acting was as if he was joking, but I never felt comfortable about that, or around him ever again.
I never told my parents about that. Back then I though I was being crazy and overreacting and I would just cause trouble by saying something, and as the years passed it just stopped being so relevant. Still bothers me though. Fortunately he’s not around anymore. I think my dad and him are on a ‘Hi/hello’ basis, because he did turn out to be a ****** person. And that’s bout it. Thoughts?

[Pflaumenkeks]

Hi! Yes it is. He crossed the line. And he forced you physically to let it happen. He didn't respect your bodily autonomy and it's only natural that it bothers you (even years later) I'm sorry this happened to you.

[nicoleflynn]

He sexually assaulted you.

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by Psych_Me

Fortunately he’s not around anymore. I think my dad and him are on a ‘Hi/hello’ basis, because he did turn out to be a ****** person. And that’s bout it. Thoughts?

Hell yes, that was abuse. You don't touch a kid like that. Period.

[Psych_Me]

Thank you, just for reading that. I don't actually expect anything to change, but it does feel good to just let it out.
You know, once I grew up a bit, I used to daydream of literally kidnapping that man and torturing him in some pretty gruesome ways. I got over all this, it was wrong what he did, but it wasn't anything that really scarred me. I just think I couldn't live with myself if there was another little girl somewhere who got the worst of it, just because I never said anything.

[amandalouise]

my suggestion is contact law enforcement or a treatment provider (doctor, therapist, psychiatrist) in your location. reason I say this is because here in psych central you have many people from all walks of life from all countries around the world, with different cultures, religious, laws and ethics on what is and isnt abuse. for some yes what you posted is abuse for others it is not. only you and your treatment providers and law enforcement can say for sure whether something was abuse for you...

let me give you an example of something that happened in another website forum...

someone asked whether something was abuse. since the website was in america and a majority of the people on the site were american many people told this person yes thats abuse, he is abusing you, get away from that person...

well this person who was asking was of a religion where what she had posted was not abuse. this person ended up based on what she read on the other forum going against her religion and culture and ended up severely punished for it and barely survived. (this person was Amish)

another example where on another website where someone asked whether their relative was abusing them or had abused them...

everyone on the forum (primarily american) told this person yes they had been abused, yes what happened was abused. this person unknown to the other members on the website was in a country where they stone females to death) because this person was told on a forum that they were abused, this person started fighting her relative and lost her life for not following her locations laws and rules that all men are dominate over women and women must submit \do what ever the men ask and require them to do.

I dont want to accidentally cause harm or death to someone else who despite what they put in their profile may be of a different culture\religion\location/ and what have you and have to live by laws and rules that as an american I do not. therefore I never tell someone online that what they are going through or have gone through is abuse.

only they and their treatment providers and law enforcement in their own location can safely say that.

Instead I err on the side of caution and tell anyone who asks is this abuse or what is this mental disorder, what is my problem and all those questions that are better answered by their own treatment providers, to contact them.

what I can do here is tell you that in ....my....location and such this may or may not have been abuse. you see we dont know all the situation since we are not you nor were we there watching it happen. America does have a variety of cultures where kissing like you posted is ok. and cultures where it isnt.

therefore my standard suggestion remains if this continues to bother you contact your own treatment providers or law enforcement that can tell you whether what happened to you is abuse and what can be done about it.

[Psych_Me]

Woah, amandalouise, things like that really happened? That is quite terrible. And no, I am not American, I do live in quite a patriarchal society but not as severe as you described. I think our ways are in many ways similar to yours, only with a bit less religious extremes.
However, I do see your point. Things like these variate from one place to another. I wasn't really trying to do anything about it, for me, this is mostly a thing of the past, something that happened and occasionally comes up in my thinking. I just thought I might share and see what other people think about it. Thank you for your input, it was very educational

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Psych_Me

Woah, amandalouise, things like that really happened? That is quite terrible. And no, I am not American, I do live in quite a patriarchal society but not as severe as you described. I think our ways are in many ways similar to yours, only with a bit less religious extremes.
However, I do see your point. Things like these variate from one place to another. I wasn't really trying to do anything about it, for me, this is mostly a thing of the past, something that happened and occasionally comes up in my thinking. I just thought I might share and see what other people think about it. Thank you for your input, it was very educational

yes these things that I posted actually happen and did happen to members of other websites I have been on. Im guessing if you read your local newspapers state, world news you will at some point or other see articles on things like this. Here in the USA we also have many news channels (local, state and world news) that sometimes will have reportings of these kinds of things.