Separation from parents

I am 25 years old, and have gone through a number of things both recently and in the past that are really leading me to want some more separation from my family. My family is superficially close, and my mother wants to hear from me in some way every day, and we see each other once per week. This seems like a lot, but this is actually less than other parts of my family, who have daily phone conversations and see each other several times a week.

My mother is a narcissist, and my father enables her. My mother does not usually go out of her way to be hurtful, but will not go out of her way to support me either. Everything is about her. If it will not benefit her, she will not do it. This has led to a lot of negative experiences growing up.

Perhaps the worst experience (or maybe just the last straw) happened about a month ago. I believe I was sexually abused by her brother when I was very little. I told my aunt (his wife). My parents don't believe me, or support me in this. My aunt has cut off contact, and my uncle is threatening to tell the whole family what I said "to clear his name" even though I had no plans to tell any of these people. My mother has asked me to find some way to make it up to him, as she is concerned that her relationship with my aunt and uncle cannot be repaired. My father has not asked these things of me, but I am disappointed by some of his lack of reaction.

Since that time (the day after I told my aunt), they have not talked about it with me. They've essentially pushed it under the rug. They want to spend time with me as usual, and talk about our usual topics, and I've been going along with this, but I feel really uncomfortable. I feel horribly betrayed by both of them, especially my mother, and I don't like pretending that things are okay when they are not.

I need some space from my parents right now, both because I want some time to figure out what to do with my relationship with them, and because it simply hurts to be around them. But they don't understand why what they did is hurtful -- they think I'm having false memories, so what's wrong with saying they don't believe me?

I just don't know how to approach this. Up to this point, I've been going along with what they want, but I do not want to do this forever.

Hi Catlovers141
From what I've read, I actually think separation from your parents might be a good idea, mostly if you feel like seeing them or having day to day contact with them is not good for you. However, I would encourage you to think about it and be sure this is what you want before doing anything that would be damaging for your relationship.

I am so sorry for what your uncle did to you and I think you were very brave to talk about it to your family. Unfortunately, some families would rather pretend you are lying so that they won't have to deal with it, I guess the truth is just so hard to take. I'm so sorry your parents are not supporting you but you need to do what's good for you. I have been abused in several ways as a child and I know what it's like to have to be in contact with the people who hurt you the most, so if you can just do what's good for you and cut contact from them, do that, do what will make you feel better.

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LesFleursDuMal, I would like to have a relationship with my parents, but at this point it hurts so much to be around them, even for superficial conversation. They aren't necessarily saying anything hurtful at this point, but knowing what they said in the past and also that they are now pushing it under the rug is really hard for me. It breaks my heart, because I want a mom so bad. But my mom can't really mother me.

It might be helpful to take a break from them--to say, I know you don't believe that what I say happened really did, and that is painful and difficult for me. I need to take a break from interacting with you while I figure out how I feel and what I want to do about this. I will call you when I am ready to talk, but it will be at least one month.

And don't answer their calls, block them if you have to. Take the time and space you need to decide what your boundaries are going to be in light of their lack of support.