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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 24
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Jun 06, 2016 at 07:23 PM
#1
So, I was raped [Trigger] and I think about what happened not the specifics but emotions idk how to explain it. It wasn't until recently when I realized something that basically turned all my thoughts upside down. I realized that my first sexual experience was when I was raped [trigger] the last person I kissed (the second person I have ever kissed in my life) was the guy that raped me [trigger]. I think about it and realize these things trying to figure out how to get him off of my lips and off of my body, when I take a shower I viciously scrub my body not wanting him to be there. I just cant believe my first sexual experience was when I was raped [trigger]. I keep thinking about it because I cant stop I want those thoughts to go away and I just cry thinking about it.
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2013
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Jun 06, 2016 at 07:39 PM
#2
I'm sorry for what happened to you. I hear a lot of women feel dirty after something like that happened. You not dirty and I hope you can heal from what happened and learn to feel ok in your own skin.
He didn't have any right to do what he did and it isn't your fault. I hope you find some support here so you don't feel alone in dealing with this. __________________ "Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." |
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Buffy01, Desolatex
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Legendary
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Jun 06, 2016 at 07:49 PM
#3
Wow.
 You survived a terrible trauma, and then you survived a reaction to that trauma. You're here and reaching out for help -- that's super. You are on a road whose length I cannot guess. Lean on your therapist and every support at your disposal. PTSD and depression are powerful but can be fought.Please keep posting, Desolatex. RAINN.org __________________ My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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Buffy01, Desolatex
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
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Jun 06, 2016 at 07:55 PM
#4
I'm sorry it happened to you. How long ago did it happen?
My virginity was taken in a drug induced date rape when I was 16. I'm 50 now. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Buffy01, Desolatex
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 24
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Jun 06, 2016 at 08:08 PM
#5
Quote:
It happened 6 months ago. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Buffy01
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Legendary
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Jun 06, 2016 at 08:16 PM
#6
That's very recent. I am glad you weren't physically hurt. Do you have someone to talk to about it? A therapist? Family, friends?
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Buffy01, Desolatex
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 24
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Jun 06, 2016 at 08:49 PM
#7
Quote:
I have a therapist but its hard to get appointments. One of my friends actually got assaulted by the same guy I did.... But things are rocky with her because I fell in love with her and she has a bf, everything is weighing down on me. I don't have many friends anyway, my closest friend lives 600 miles away but she doesn't understand how I feel, she listens but I need someone to actively console me if that makes sense. I don't talk with my grandparents (I live with them, I'm 17) because they are very stern and aren't good with consoling me, I have very limited contact with my mother and my sister but I do believe they would be the most help to me... But once again my grandparents are stern and wont let me talk to my mom and sister but I am seeing them this weekend and we may talk about it. Basically my availability for talking to people is very very limited (sorry this is so long /: ) Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Indianapolis, IN
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Jun 06, 2016 at 08:51 PM
#8
Don't worry about talking to much. People here care and want to help you the best we can. You've been through an ordeal and I'm sure you could use someone to help you.
__________________ "Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." |
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Buffy01, Desolatex
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2016
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Jun 06, 2016 at 09:14 PM
#9
Quote:
It doesn't surprise me if all you can focus on now are the emotions surrounding what happened to you. From what I've learned over the years as a rape and abuse survivor myself, this is pretty typical. But I couldn't tell from your post if this is a recent event that happened to you, or if you are recovering memories from a past event(s). In either case, the first step is acknowledging what happened to yourself. (That can take victims years to do, too.) And you are doing this, and I know how difficult it is. (Oh, and once, to deal with the dirtiness many of us feel, I soaked in a tub so long, and so often my toenails came off. :S ) You are being very strong.  --Ceara1010 __________________ Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. -Ernest Shackleton |
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Desolatex
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 24
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May 26, 2018 at 03:56 PM
#10
Hi this is Desolatex in case anyone wanted and update I was raped in December of 2015 then months of believing this was my fault I finally got help after attempting suicide in March of 2015 it took a long time to get over this trauma but now I’m in a happy relationship and no longer think of what that gross guy did to me and accept I couldnt have done anything to stop him and no longer blane myself. Thank you all for the kind words.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
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May 30, 2018 at 02:34 PM
#11
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Wise Elder
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May 30, 2018 at 02:37 PM
#12
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Legendary
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Jun 06, 2018 at 04:41 PM
#13
Glad that you’re doing better and have a good relationship.
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