[GennyM]

I'm curious if anyone has experienced anything like this. As a child, my dad would, on a nightly basis, disrupt our sleep. This took the form of turning on lights, stomping up and down the stairs, slamming objects, and generally screaming, swearing and occasionally kicking in the door. I would say that this happened, to some degree or another, most nights of the week. The really strange part was he would particularly choose to do this at night, not allowing me to sleep for any period of time. The truly maddening part was he was never done, he would storm off only to come back again. I should mention that, of course, alcohol was involved on his part, which exacerbated his tendency for cruelty. Is sleep deprivation a form of abuse?

I had a parent who sadly was bipolar. Her manic anger sessions always seem to hit (cycle) in the mornings - I would wake up to her screaming at me through the bedroom door nearly every morning for hours . . . and yell . . . and scream . . . and name calling . . . and threats . . . and bang things . . . year after year. I think she also was undiagnosed borderline PD or narcissist. Looking back I would label it emotional abuse. I would speculate that your father's mental state was also subject to cycling. How horrible - sorry you had to experience all that. Thank goodness it's over.

[atisketatasket]

Yes, I would say sleep deprivation is a form of abuse. It's often used to torture political prisoners (they're regularly awakened, or their cell is always brightly lit, etc.). Future ex used to wake me up and scream at me for some perceived mistake - nowhere near as regularly as your father did this, but every time it was horrible. Can't imagine it happening almost daily.

[GennyM]

Interestingly, I've speculated that my dad has Aspergers. I don't think that his only problem but he seems to fit the Aspergers definition in that, he seems to lack awareness of verbal cues. He'll talk right over you, and sometimes stop mid-sentence only to pick up 10'awkard seconds later.

[MtnTime2896]

It could be. My dad did the same ****. Every single night. I never slept as a kid. As a result, I don't sleep as an adult. I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember and when my dad did that, it only got worse. Instead on only sleeping four hours a night, I'd go days with only small ten minute naps every twenty-four hours. My dad also does similar things to your dad. He kind of fits Aspergers but doesn't at the same time. My dad is an (un-diagnosed) schizophrenic and possibly also suffers from bipolar disorder. No question he has ADHD or something to go with it all. I don't know, he's just...complex.

[Unrigged64072835]

I would says, yes. One of the ways my abusers hurt me was not letting me sleep at night, leaving me full of fear.

To me that is extremely abusive. Torturous. Horrible. I am sorry you experienced that. That makes me furious. I personally am extremely respectful of someone's sleep due to issues that you went through.

[GennyM]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

It could be. My dad did the same ****. Every single night. I never slept as a kid. As a result, I don't sleep as an adult. I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember and when my dad did that, it only got worse. Instead on only sleeping four hours a night, I'd go days with only small ten minute naps every twenty-four hours. My dad also does similar things to your dad. He kind of fits Aspergers but doesn't at the same time. My dad is an (un-diagnosed) schizophrenic and possibly also suffers from bipolar disorder. No question he has ADHD or something to go with it all. I don't know, he's just...complex.

Yep, I'm an adult but still can't sleep, at night at least ! I have a difficult time quieting down at night and have a really high arousal level at any noise.

[ShrinkPatient]

I had a stepfather that did this kind of thing regularly. Even as a child I knew he was "crazy." Besides the occasional locking my sisters and I in the bathroom in the middle of the night, daring us to turn off the light. He would sometimes turn on the television and the radios, turning up the volume all the way. A few times, he opened all the windows and doors and turned the heat off. Not necessarily a big deal unless you consider it was in the dead of winter, with snow on the ground and sometimes falling in the windows, and we lived in a high crime neighborhood. Of course every light in the house would be turned on as well. He also had daytime fits as well.
As knowledgeable as I am about mental conditions, I still can't guess his diagnosis. I would say very co-morbid.
I too have sleeping issues but I can't attribute them directly to his fits.

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[GennyM]

Interestingly, I talked to my aunt and my dad did something similar when they were kids. He would wake them up and call them some kind of worthless *****es or something like that, turn on the lights, etc.

[Aviza]

My mom did this. Especially in my teenage years. People I've spoken to about her treatment of me think she's bipolar.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by GennyM

Yep, I'm an adult but still can't sleep, at night at least ! I have a difficult time quieting down at night and have a really high arousal level at any noise.

Me too, bad. If the room is quiet and I hear the AC turn on I wake up scared to death. If I have music going and it suddenly stops I wake up the same way. My fiance moves slightly and I'm up. In the past few days, it really only takes the sound of something similar to past abuse to set me off for at least a few minutes upon awakening from said noise. This hyperarousal is draining me even more than I'm already drained from being sick. I think my symptoms are worse right now because in my childhood, whenever I was sick or injured, my dad got worse. When I'd be seriously sick, he'd wake me up just that much more and force me to do chores at 1am on a school night. When I had a messed up knee and on crutches, he made me do all of the outside chores in the snow and ice at 7 degrees Fahrenheit. Now, when I'm sick I'm on high alert that something's going to happen and I don't get the sleep I need to recover properly. It's completely programmed in my brain now. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I'm sorry that you have had to endure something similar.

Originally Posted by GennyM

Interestingly, I talked to my aunt and my dad did something similar when they were kids. He would wake them up and call them some kind of worthless *****es or something like that, turn on the lights, etc.

That sounds sadistic, sadly.

[DechanDawa]

Wow. So sorry for you all. I have never heard about this from anyone else before this posting. My father would wake me up in the middle of the night to do the dishes (again) because they were not done first time around to his satisfaction. I thought he was psycho nuts. I was just a kid! Many years later I found out he did the exact same thing to my older sister. Until right now I never connected this with my lifelong bouts of insomnia. (Note time of this posting.) Thanks for sharing. Hugs to all.

[Sula B]

Definitely a form of abuse and a sadistic one at that. Sleep deprivation is used as a very successful torture method all over the world because it is so disorientating and damaging to your brain which requires uninterrupted rest for a physiological reason.

I am so sorry for everyone here who experienced this, especially as a child. This is one thing that I did not experience but I did have a premmie baby who literally never slept for more than one hour then up for an hour and he continued to do this until he was about 4 years old - well and truly after his younger sibling had started sleeping through the night. I look back at those days and wonder how the hell I kept going for 4 years with an average of about 3-4 hours of broken sleep every 24 hours.

[GennyM]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Me too, bad. If the room is quiet and I hear the AC turn on I wake up scared to death. If I have music going and it suddenly stops I wake up the same way. My fiance moves slightly and I'm up. In the past few days, it really only takes the sound of something similar to past abuse to set me off for at least a few minutes upon awakening from said noise. This hyperarousal is draining me even more than I'm already drained from being sick. I think my symptoms are worse right now because in my childhood, whenever I was sick or injured, my dad got worse. When I'd be seriously sick, he'd wake me up just that much more and force me to do chores at 1am on a school night. When I had a messed up knee and on crutches, he made me do all of the outside chores in the snow and ice at 7 degrees Fahrenheit. Now, when I'm sick I'm on high alert that something's going to happen and I don't get the sleep I need to recover properly. It's completely programmed in my brain now. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I'm sorry that you have had to endure something similar.

My dad would also make us do ridiculous chores, etc. We all had to bath because he didn't like showers, etc. He was also constantly trying to toughen us up (he would show me how to fight as a kid, but to fight to inflict pain, not self defense). He would occasionally be extremely reckless with us in the car as kids, speeding at high speeds on icy roads, then to break and have the car spin totally around. He really did find it quite humorous, and would laugh often when he sensed fear. I guess the strange part to me was that he always took pleasure in watching other people suffer. Sorry for you too, it sucks to grow up that way.

[msrobot]

Yes, and I was aware that it was a torture move at the time. When we were younger, my nDad would wake us up to tell us how "stupid", and "goalless" our mother was, and to yell/complain at the top of his lungs about anything. The interruptions would come and go, but they were definitely used as a way to let out rage and control. I really felt myself slipping from sanity, when it happened for about a week straight. Whenever we locked the bedroom door, he'd break it down.

[GennyM]

Originally Posted by msrobot

Yes, and I was aware that it was a torture move at the time. When we were younger, my nDad would wake us up to tell us how "stupid", and "goalless" our mother was, and to yell/complain at the top of his lungs about anything. The interruptions would come and go, but they were definitely used as a way to let out rage and control. I really felt myself slipping from sanity, when it happened for about a week straight. Whenever we locked the bedroom door, he'd break it down.

I remember just shutting the door was grounds for kicking the door in! My dad would also drag us out of bed and rant and scream about politics, how much he hated the government, cops, etc. You felt like you were literally held hostage.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by GennyM

My dad would also make us do ridiculous chores, etc. We all had to bath because he didn't like showers, etc. He was also constantly trying to toughen us up (he would show me how to fight as a kid, but to fight to inflict pain, not self defense). He would occasionally be extremely reckless with us in the car as kids, speeding at high speeds on icy roads, then to break and have the car spin totally around. He really did find it quite humorous, and would laugh often when he sensed fear. I guess the strange part to me was that he always took pleasure in watching other people suffer. Sorry for you too, it sucks to grow up that way.

Sounds like your dad and my dad should go bowling. I swear they're way too similar. My dad always wanted to "toughen" me up, too. He always called me his "little soldier" and make me do **** that you're forced to do in basic training etc.; middle of the night, there I was cleaning the kitchen floor with a toothbrush. If the floor wasn't clean I'd get to see him throw stuff on the floor, I'd clean it and then he'd proceed to throw stuff like coffee grounds on the floor and I'd clean again; he'd keep doing this until he passed out from too much Bushmills, all the while describing (in detail) how worthless, stupid and weak I was to him and how, compared to my siblings, I was nothing and I'd always be nothing. I didn't realize that there were others like him until this post. To be honest, I never realized that this would be considered abuse.

[GennyM]

Ironically, my dad preferred me to my mother or brother, at least that's what he said sometimes. He was more of a pool player who drank Golden Anniversary. We had a pool table in the basement and he played until LATE at night. I still remember the sound of the cue stick hitting the pool balls and his heavy steps as he would come upstairs to get yet another beer from the fridge. It was best when he kept walking downstairs, instead of bothering me or my mom.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by GennyM

Ironically, my dad preferred me to my mother or brother, at least that's what he said sometimes. He was more of a pool player who drank Golden Anniversary. We had a pool table in the basement and he played until LATE at night. I still remember the sound of the cue stick hitting the pool balls and his heavy steps as he would come upstairs to get yet another beer from the fridge. It was best when he kept walking downstairs, instead of bothering me or my mom.

My dad didn't really bowl (it was more figurative), he would go out to the shed and clean his guns. I was cool with it until he decided to come in and force me to learn how to properly clean the action and barrel. There were a few times when I actually thought, "This is the night. My dad's going to shoot me." He hated my mother even more but she worked all of the time. The only other one who really dealt with the same as me was my brother. When I wasn't there, my dad went after him.
Anyway, I'm just glad that I was able to escape. I don't have to deal with it to the same degree anymore. I still get to deal with plenty because he's still in my life but it's never been as bad as it was.

[GennyM]

My dad is still in my life too. Things got much better once my parents divorced and he was out of the house. My relationship with him improved! To be honest, if I had had to live with him until I was 18, I don't think we would still be in contact or I quite possibly would have killed him! Being divorced and not having us there to use for his power trip, was actually good for him. He learned that we can either choose to have him in our lives (me and my brother) or not.

[MtnTime2896]

That's awesome. I'm glad for you're relationship improving. Amazing what happens when they realize that we don't have to stay and take their power trips anymore. My dad also quit drinking a year after my parents' divorce which helped a lot more. He hasn't had a drop since. It does get better with enough time, I guess. I never believed that growing up but I'm glad I waited it out.