[runlola72]

I have been in therapy with this T for 9 months. I have been so weird lately, lots of push-pull dynamics, hating him then loving him then oversharing and then hating myself for it and wanting to never see him again. It is so strange and disconcerting. I feel like I am being possessed by a toddler.

Possible trigger:

Things went sharply downhill following me beginning to talk about my experience with sexually abusive much older stepbrother. I was quite sexual as a little kid and always tried to get into my friend's sleeping bags at sleepovers at ages 8-9, got in trouble at school (at age 8) for flashing adults on the side of a road repeatedly, began dating much older men quite young, one of whom was physically abusive to the point of needing police intervention when I was 16. I wrote an email to T last week where I told him about another fuzzy memory I had about something my stepbrother may have done to me, and the ways I think it impacts my sex life with my husband, and I feel so weird that I confessed this to him. I feel like I never want to see T again. I hate that I overshared and I feel like I am being extra sensitive and emotional because it's about my abuse which is, honestly, quite fuzzy and time-warped. My memory sucks but I what I do clearly remember is definitely abuse. It's just that I know there was more. Anyway, the point of this is that ever since I started talking about CSA, I am all over the map with my emotions. I hate T then I like him, then I want to be hugged by him, then I want him to hit me, then I want to open up to him, then I want him to abuse me.

What on earth is going on? I really think I am going crazy.

[nicoleflynn]

Therapy is the hardest, scariest work you will ever do...It is all normal.

[ThisWayOut]

My t labels stuff like that normal transference. Opening up about the csa has had a similar side effect within me. I'm sorry you to are struggling with this... one thing that's helped me is being open with t about it. She's supportive, and keeps reminding me she'll run with whatever I bring to therapy...