I've asked this question before, but some things have been updated so I'm asking again:

Some people have told me this is an abusive situation so I'm wondering what you think:

I live with my cousins and pay 1/2 of their rent + 1/2 of their utilities which=$500/month. I get $733/month from disability. What goes on is:

-They won't allow me to nap during the day. I have insomnia and have never felt comfortable sleeping at night. But I'm not allowed to take naps during the day at all.

-I'm only allowed to take a bath or shower when they are a. not home or b. asleep. If I go in the bathroom to use the toilet and I'm in there longer than a few minutes they knock on the door to make sure I'm not taking a bath/shower.

-I have a curtain on the room I'm supposedly renting and they walk in here whenever they please without announcing it. When they walk in the door they always open the curtain to see what I'm doing. Sometimes when I'm getting dressed, etc.

-All lights have to be kept off unless you have a direct need for it. If I turn on the light in my room my cousin's husband comes in here and asks me why I'm using it.

-I'm expected to do their dishes and to clean up after their 4 dogs who are not house trained and very destructive.

-There are also other strange rules like no shutting the bathroom door, no shutting the toilet seat, etc.

I know if I actually complained I would be homeless. I'm in the process of looking for a place, on HUD and section 8 lists but they are full so my only other option would be a homeless shelter which I'm sure is no better.

I feel guilty when I think about this or complain about it in my head.

I almost think a homeless shelter would treat you with more respect than you are receiving in this situation.

I am wondering though. Have you exerted your own boundaries in this situation? Have you told them "I am only responsible for my own dishes, and I am not responsible for the care of your animals unless you pay me to do so." "I will take showers when I wish and nap when needed. Do NOT knock on the door of the bathroom; I will not answer you. Do not enter my bedroom without asking first." Etc. I'm just kind of wondering if you have just not at all exerted your own rights and boundaries in this situation. If you have, and they retaliated, then honestly, I might would see if I could find a placement somewhere while I waited for housing to come through. Have you considered looking for a single room in a home somewhere? Sometimes people take in roomers. Sounds like the situation you are in is intolerable.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I almost think a homeless shelter would treat you with more respect than you are receiving in this situation.

I am wondering though. Have you exerted your own boundaries in this situation? Have you told them "I am only responsible for my own dishes, and I am not responsible for the care of your animals unless you pay me to do so." "I will take showers when I wish and nap when needed. Do NOT knock on the door of the bathroom; I will not answer you. Do not enter my bedroom without asking first." Etc. I'm just kind of wondering if you have just not at all exerted your own rights and boundaries in this situation. If you have, and they retaliated, then honestly, I might would see if I could find a placement somewhere while I waited for housing to come through. Have you considered looking for a single room in a home somewhere? Sometimes people take in roomers. Sounds like the situation you are in is intolerable.

If I did that they would definitely kick me out. I look for housing everyday.

I did once try to nap when I was sick and my cousin just came in here and kept yelling at me about it until I agreed not to sleep during the day again.

[Deeplyhurt77]

Living their sounds like a horrible nightmare that never ends. I hope you can get out of there soon! They are bad for your health!

[kecanoe]

It sounds awful. But it sounds like you have to put up with it until you find somewhere else to live. I hope you are on waiting lists for housing; if you are not is there someone who can help you get on them?

Originally Posted by kecanoe

It sounds awful. But it sounds like you have to put up with it until you find somewhere else to live. I hope you are on waiting lists for housing; if you are not is there someone who can help you get on them?

I am on them, it will just take awhile sadly.

[metalchick]

I am sorry to hear of your situation. They are sick and should seek help. You should not have to live this way. I would tell them that you are a grown adult who pays their rent and can do what you want when you want. Set your boundaries. Please get out of there asap.

[Harmacy]

That's controlling and abusive behavior. They are feeding into your fear of homelessness and playing on that.

Have you signed any formal rent agreement? you may have rights as a tenant so would be worth finding out what they are. I'm in the UK and there are many charities and organizations here that can help with advice - such as Shelter or Citizens Advice Bureau. Maybe something similar where you are?

Once you know your legal rights, it will help you feel more confident about any next move.

Safe and secure personal boundaries are the most important thing. That's not a luxury, but a basic right. I hope your situation improves soon.

[*Laurie*]

As soon as other housing is offered to you, grab it. Good luck!

Originally Posted by Harmacy

Have you signed any formal rent agreement?

Not exactly. I've been living here since August 2015-2 months ago I signed something agreeing to pay half of all bills and to clean up after the dogs, do the dishes, sweep, etc-all of the things I listed above I basically agreed to. If I hadn't agreed I would've had to move by September 1. My cousin's husband typed it out so not sure if that counts as formal. It said nothing about what my rights were.

Basically the only deal was I get a roof over my head. Which I feel guilty just typing.

And then tonight after he yelled at me for leaving the sponge int he sink l;ike juts end of the ******** worl;d because sometoloneneellalveb s a sponge pout and calls me lazxy he TAKES MY HAMBURGER MEAT THAT I PURCHASED and says hes using it for dinner diDNT EVEN

******* ZSK ME.

Ill nev3er be good enoguh for this ***** fsamily. The only reason they think their son is so ****** PERFECT is because hes their child and JUST LIKE THEM,. ILL NEVER BE. GOD I CANT TAKE THIS STRESS ANY LONGER!!!!!!!!!!!!
They CORRECT AN D YELL AT MKROE MORE THAN THEIR OWN CHILD..

And I love that child but he came in ym room last night and started ordefring me to let the dogs out. Like your my ***** boss kid. When I wa y7our age I had to resoect you8r pafrents because they were the adults but I DONT GET ANYTHINHq!1@@ They let you talk to ME howeveer you want. Because hes sooooo perfect!!!!!!

I PAY RENT

I PAY RENT

I PAY RENT

I PAY RENT.

I PAY HALF OF YOUR RENT AND UTILITIES!!!!!

I'M SORRY YOU'RE SO **** JEALOUS OF THE FACT THAT I'M ON SSI AND THAT YOU THINK I WOULDN'T TRADE BEING DISABLED FOR GOING TO WORK IF I COULD!! DISABILITY DOES NOT=LAZY! AND STOP BRAGGING TO ME THAT YOUR 14 YEAR OLD HAS A JOB AND I DONT!!!!!!! STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE ***** ALREADY

**I need to breathe***

[metalchick]

Anna please I beg of you to get out of there...leave your stuff and take off. Call the police to see if there is anything you can do legally about this...maybe a red cross shelter or a local church can help you. Please, please, please don't put up with this any longer...you don't deserve this...and it seems like they may be the type of people who would pshyically harm you. Please, please, leave that god awful place.

They wouldn't physically harm me. The last time I got kicked out a place I ended up at the women's rescue mission which is WAY worse than here-there were people there who DO physically attack people, since they don't screen and anyone who is sober is allowed in. The police would most likely just drop me off there

I'm sorry if I scared you, I didn't mean to. I was just really irritated earlier.

[metalchick]

I know what it is live to live with bad people...you trust them and they just mess with you. I would really protect myself against them...they are verbally abusive and you should not have to put up with this at all. Please just be safe...

Originally Posted by metalchick

I know what it is live to live with bad people...you trust them and they just mess with you. I would really protect myself against them...they are verbally abusive and you should not have to put up with this at all. Please just be safe...

Yeah the worst part is the stress. They have 0 understanding of mental illness (of course they want to say they do, because they happen to know ONE person with bipolar disorder who is high functioning) and I am the complete opposite of them in so many ways anyway.

The way I see it, they think I'm just this lazy, entitled person because I don't work and they're trying to teach me a lesson...as if stressing me out to breaking point is going to help me be able to function. They always remind me of how I just "sit around all day" while they're at work and their taxes are going to me.

So they think this is also payback for the money the put into social security or something, I don't know. But I have no friends, no relationship, no car and no money--if I could stop myself from having a panic attack everytime I go out in public so that I could work and have the above, I would!

As long as I'm disabled, I'm a 2nd class citizen.

[metalchick]

They need to get their mental illness in check as well. They are sick people and need help. Their behavior is not normal.

[Harmacy]

I see, it does sound like a fraught situation.

I wish you luck with your next move and hope you find somewhere more suitable to live soon. I'm sure once you're finally settled into a new place things will improve.

Take care for now and remember that even without a rent agreement, you still have basic rights as a tenant so perhaps start to gently remind them of that. It isn't all about money so don't let them use that to bully you. Even if you paid nothing, it doesn't give them the right to mistreat you in the way they are doing.

[Luce]

Well. The fact that you are questioning whether you are being taken advantage of or if you are 'simply ungrateful' is a clear sign that this situation has already taken such a toll on you that you have lost your ability to view the situation rationally. Their behavior is clearly abusive (not your fault at all you can't see that clearly - that's a result of their behavior in itself) and yes, they are absolutely taking advantage of you.

Have you heard of gas-lighting? I hadn't until a few days ago, and it describes my work situation perfectly. After reading it and applying it myself I found the courage to talk to my boss on Monday an as a result of that immediate changes have been put into effect to protect me. It is only NOW that I can see how clearly damaging and abusive the other person's behavior has been to me. Up until reading about it on Sunday I was like you... going back and forth between thinking it was abusive, then - no, it's my fault, its because I'm not good enough etc.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/...ld-know-about/

I really think you need to find a way to remove yourself from this situation as quickly as you can. They will be invested in keeping you confused and submissive, and will do whatever it takes to keep you in that state. They do not care for you. It will not change. one of the most awful effects of gaslighting for me has been the inability to trust myself about anything. As soon as I had the support of my boss, that feeling disappeared. I hope you find your way to freedom.