[Fuzzybear]

Every night for the last few nights, I've had nightmares about the parents..

(Big deal right, "we all" have bad dreams sometimes...oh please go away you boring old fart of an introject?)

Last night was particularly disturbing... It was about my mother... Instead of the more expected dream a few nights ago about my father stamping on my face.... When I was pushed down and my screaming at him "no"

In this dream the mother seemed to actually love me

Taking more and more benzos just to "cope"

But apparently I never "coped" - - a born "loser" who should be dead dead

[Skeezyks]

...

[MtnTime2896]

I've posted on this forum before, I believe the thread was titled "There Was Good" or something of that nature. The point I had attempted to convey was that it was more painful for me to reflect upon the moments of affection than reflecting on than the negative memories. I think it's more difficult because it confuses me, but mostly because they show me how life could've been if my parents would've cared enough to make it so. And they make me feel crazy because I can't understand how they'd go from one extreme to another.
I guess, I'm just saying that I think I understand what you're talking about. If I'm way off point, that's okay. I just hope that you can be okay.