[MyPOV]

I have been in therapy for a while and will be bringing this up with my therapist, but I have this moment in my mind a lot lately as I work through issues.

I was young, we were at hotel for a weekend long party my dad's softball would do yearly.

My dad got a little too drunk a little early, and I remember coming to the room ask for quarters for pac man (dating myself), and I remember he grabbed me rather violently and pulled down on the bed with him (he was on the verge of passing out I think), and he hugged me really really hard and I could smell the alcohol and cigarettes. He started saying how he loved me and how I was a good kid...that kinda stuff. I struggled, wanting to get away and go play and because I was scared...on the one hand it's my dad (I mean I was probably 5-6-7 years old)....on the other the behavior was freaky as hell for me...so much so that it is a very vivid memory from my early childhood, which isn't filled with a hole hell of a lot of good memories...the more I think about it.

Would this be abuse? It was so outta character for him, but maybe the alcohol brought out the hidden self -- the self he wasn't able to show when sober (when he was basically emotionless, except for anger and happiness).

It was traumatic either way....it's one of a few very potent traumatic events I remember from that time in my life...

Your thoughts?

[Yours_Truly]

I don't know whether it would be considered abuse or not, but what matters is that it was traumatic for you. I can see how it would be.

I remember seeing my father drunk once. He'd been out with my mom & a very close family friend, my father's best friend. At some point in the evening he came home alone in a taxi & he was upset/angry. Not long afterwards my mom & the friend came home & I remember my mom saying that my dad had gotten jealous because she & friend were having too much fun & that he was an angry drunk. It was all very new to me & a little too adult for me at the time. Not nearly as traumatic as your experience, but I still remember it to this day very well.

Hopefully, you & your therapist can talk about this & figure out what meaning it has for you.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by MyPOV

Would this be abuse?

Yes. I'd call it abusive behavior by an irresponsible adult against an innocent child and being drunk was NO EXCUSE for abusing and traumatizing you back then.

It was traumatic either way....it's one of a few very potent traumatic events I remember from that time in my life..

This answers your earlier question about "abuse" and I hope your therapist will help you discharge or vent the bottled up feelings and hurt energy surrounding this early trauma.

[Skeezyks]

My personal opinion would be this does not rise to the level of abuse. But, as Yours_Truly wrote, what matters is it was traumatic for you. I have some sad memories as well. I suppose we all do. Unfortunately, I'm afraid we never really get to simply leave these sorts of experiences behind entirely. I wish you well...

[TishaBuv]

It sounds like he was just drunk and feeling the love. I'm sorry it was traumatic for you, the way he grabbed you and it scared you. As long as that's all he did, I would not consider it abuse.

[MyPOV]

Thanks for the replies...it was the fear I experience that made me wonder about it....but what you all said makes sense....borderline, but not quite there....and I guess I don't need to label it, I just need to know I was justified in my fear of my father at that moment.