In my dreams

I dream about things that are outrageous and it stresses me out just to sleep. I cry, I argue, I see my abusers a lot and find myself in stressful situations. I would like to sleep in peace. Ive tried everything and nothing works, except medication. I have always been to scared. I don't want to be reliant on something so small but could change who I am. Pills took my mom and made her who it wanted her to be, it had total control of her life. Not only I'm I worried but my dad has always been the type that says if there is a problem you can fix it on your own. You don't have to pay someone to talk to and I don't want him to think I can't handle things on my own. I don't want to end up like a lot of people do and I'm cerrtainly not crazy, just broken. My dad doesn't even kno how broken I am and I feel like a big reason iv had troubntroubnle is because I've always been afraid of what my family my say or do. They don't take kindly to people who have issues. And Im sure that's why parents seem shocked when they find out the don't know who their kids are or how they have felt for the longest time. I wish I could do back and time to just talk with my parents but who I am today wasn't me 8 years ago. I have changed in an amazing way and it took me awhile to get to who I am. When you lose yourself you lose time in reality and before you know it years have zoomed by, its taking a lot to get back where I need to be by myself and here recently I've realized sometimes you have to have help even if its a little help. None can get through life alone. So I'm done wasting time trying to help myself when I obviously need someone's advice, support, and guidance.

Hello Thatgirl23: Congratulations on having achieved this insight!