[Walking Man]

I'm not sure that this is exactly the right place to post this. I've been trying to support myself and live on my own for more than a few years, since I graduated from college. I've never been able to do so for a variety of reasons, but the biggest thing is my health. I could certainly do so in the right circumstances, but it seems just impossible to get there. I've gone to school, worked all kinds of jobs, moved, and nearly become homless trying. I only moved in with my mother this last time when I was facing homelessnes. I have a lot of debt.

I'm living with my mother right now. I wouldn't really say that I was abused growing up, but I was certainly neglected emotionally. I know for sure that my dad loved me a lot, but he didn't really know how to be a dad in certain respects because he grew up without his dad. My mom has a lot of baggage, and some problems of her own. We were well provided for and all that, but I know I have some serious attachment issues.

My mom has some narcissistic traits, mostly in her inability to empathize with others. She's not exactly the "evil narcissist", but she can be mean or arbitrary at times, and always feels like she's the one being hurt. She doesn't seem to be able to tell when she's being insensitive or unfair. I don't think she has ever liked me.

I couldn't pay my bills this month. I have some training in a field I think could really work for me, and am looking for a job. I asked her if she would interview somewhere out of state. (There are a lot of jobs available, but not many in any one place.) This is a serious matter, not some fanciful idea. I could really make this work, but I would need help getting there. I have made some serious sacrifices to get this far, and have suffered a lot in the process. Her response was something like "No. Why would I do that?" and started arguing with me. I almost never ask for anything. I have been trying unsuccessfully to get medicaid, disability, and housing assistance and she used this against me, as if it's my fault.

Almost everything I try or want to do she is against. I'm almost certain it's precisely because I want something that she is against it. She just has this instinctive negative response to what I want. She then wants me to do things I am unsuited for, don't want to do, or will get me nowhere. She should be thrilled when I have real opportunities that might get me living independently. She absolutely does not want me living with her. Instead, she makes things difficult, criticizes me, gives me a hard time, gets mad if I express frustration or defend myself, and acts like she is the one being treated unfairly.

I don't know what to do. I need to leave, it's as bad for her as it is for me.

It seems so impossible. I am pursuing multiple avenues. I'm not without fault but I'm sick. I really need help and have nowhere to turn. So, I'm stuck living here with nowhere to go. The worst part is feeling so resented. I hate depending on other people, but I don't know what to do.

Can you get a job with a residential component?

[Walking Man]

What did you have in mind?

For a long time I wanted to be a professor, or teach at secondary boarding school, but those are pretty much off the table now.