[ImDefective]

I'm only 15 right now and when I was about 6 I was abused by my mothers boyfriend at the time and I can't really identify any problems I have that are related to that. So here is my story:

My dad wasn't very involved with my life as a child he has been since last year when he got out of jail for drug distribution and use, but when I was little my mother was beat by him and we went away. Not to mention they always fought but here is the actual story:

Since I was little I've had a bladder problem to where it is hard not to wet the bed at night, I don't really go to sleepovers because of this and when I was little I wet the bed and went down the stairs to tell my mom's boyfriend Carl. I think he was playing a game or he was on the TV cause that is what I remember though it is very vauge. According to his story he went up to me and squeezed my testicles though I don't remember that. Then he proceeded to beat me which I remember very well. He threw me down our wooden stairs like a bowling ball (that's the comparison I make) he put soap in a sock and beat me over and over. He put my head against a pillow not letting me breath, he beat me like a normal human being with his fists nothing else. And I'm pretty sure he hit me against the wall.
His father was abusive his whole life but luckily it wasn't long before my Aunt Lori saw me and told the police, about a day maybe because of my mom's job.

During the court hearing, I was at the little desk thing next to a lawyer and when I saw Carl go up there I didn't feel anything, no anger happiness, nothing. Just a normal feeling for me. I don't feel that much or at least i don't think I do sometimes I can be happy, but that is mostly at school so that I'm not labeled "weird". I was put into a foster home which was right up the hill from my Nana (Mom's mom) so after about a week the people I stayed with let me live at my Nana's. She had two girls one a year older than me and the other a year older. After about a year of my mom fighting in court to get me back I got to see her again. I love her, really the only persona I actually love don't really like girls at my school all that much I just can't. After going back with her I went to a bunch of theorpists and I was eventually diagnosed with AD-HD after like 5 more years when I was 11 I got suicidal thoughts but it wasn't related to the abuse at all it was just me being me. I'm very open about my abuse and I can even tell jokes about it.

[Skeezyks]

Hello ImDefective: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!