[mmiikkeeyy]

hello, I am 40 years old and have a problem with attatchment. I was sexually abused as a child by a relative around the age of six. I never told anyone about it, but told my mother about five years ago. She didn't seem to upset about it, but just told me to forget it. She seemed so cold about the issue. My father was an alcoholic and was verbally and mentally abusive to me in particular. I was the middle child and I was the oldest boy.he was the very masculine type and one of those people who said men don't cry, your a *****, and I would never amount to much. Basically, Both my parent paid no attention to me.
During the sexual abuse I was scared yet it felt good. I didn't pull away, he said he would,nt hurt me, and don't tell anyone about our secret. I feel ashamed now and gross. After the abuse, I took an attraction to diapers. I suppressed that most of my life.
Please not not kids wearing them but me. I am recently divorced and live on my own now and I tried it. I felt very safe and secure in them and feel as though nobody could touch me. Problem now is I wear them almost everyday and have too much anxiety without them on.
I have been Bi polar since my early 20s and have really bad anxiety when I am not wearing them. I feel ashamed. My therapist just thinks it because of the bipolar I do that, and not from the years of suppression of the sexual abuse.
Anyone that can give me there advice on this It would help a lot. I'm unsure really how I should feel.
I posted something about this in another category but nobody awnsered. It was in the sexual category and there seems to be a lot of people who do this for sexual gratification. I don,t at all and find it kinda gross.

Please help!!!!!

[Skeezyks]

Hello mmiikkeeyy: I'm sorry I don't think there is any advice I can offer you with regard to this. But I wanted to at least leave a note letting you know I read your post. I've read a number of posts, over the time I've been here on PC, written by members who had diaper fetishes. So I know it can be of real concern & difficult to resolve. I'm not a mental health professional. So it would be presumptuous of me to second-guess your therapist with regard to the cause of your need to wear diapers. So I won't go there. I wish you well...