I must like abuse

I never thought about it until recently. I like abuse it's the only thing I have from any past relationship. I'm drawn to it. They say once you are abused you always go back for more. Why?

I know for me personally it was because I had gotten used to it.

I kept looking at it from the wrong angle, for me. As I didn't feel it was a simple 'lack of self esteem' issue. For me, it's trying to rewrite history from the way I was treated as a child. Always hoping for a different outcome where you can get your needs recognised and valued, the love you didn't get as a child. And by looking too much externally for happiness instead of within. Lacking the ability to set healthy boundaries because you didn't learn them as a child. We develop coping mechanisms to deal with things as a child based on a child's limited emotional capabilities and carry them on into childhood. Try listening to your inner child, how he/she feels hurt, abused, disregarded or ignored. Sit there and identify and feel those feelings, that's a start. Then you can work on new rational, healthy coping mechanisms to use as an adult. Takes a lot of time and effort but it begins with getting to the root cause.

Thanks the inner child I heard of that. I thought I had it figured out. Tell the truth about yourself accept them not as bad but how you are and the only problem is the other person has to be truthful too. So if you let other people you meet know about your weak areas then they turn around and use it for their gain it don't work. I still am a child inside my body has aged but still respond to stress the same way. Maybe I need to grow up on the subconscious level but it's like I'm trapped inside.

It's not that you 'like' abuse, just that if it's what you grew up with/experience as an adult, it becomes your 'normal'.

Well I finally stood up and took a stand. Then I gave her a second chance. She took advantage of it too prepare her exit and planned passive agressive ways of really making her self look and feel good.

"I want to let go but there's comfort in the panic" -Linkin Park, 'Heavy'.

Growing up and/or early relationships, you not only grow accustomed to chaos, you learn to thrive in it. It's how and where your brain was trained and therefore where it feels the most comfortable.

But it hurts more each time you have served there purpose or couldn't fulfill it .