[bluevixen]

part 2..when i was 16-26 i had 4 boyfriend's and my first husband that beat the crap outta me all the time..i wanna know why i picked men that beat me...can anyone shed light on this for me...i still have physical and mental scar's from all the abuse...i was 24 when i had my front teeth knocked out..i had to have dental in plants and am reminded everyday of what happened so long ago..bluevixen

[pachyderm]

> i wanna know why i picked men that beat me.

I don't know. Maybe because you didn't think anyone else could love you?

[Soidhonia]

Hello (((VIXEN))). I feel that people choose wife beaters because you love the person, but you think and feel you can change the person if you love the beatings out of the person doing the beatings. Usually a person that beats women has mental health issues that DO NOT get addressed by men that perhaps were in an abusive situation when young and never learned the concept of safe love. The Only time love was expressed is in beatings(or the person was told they got beat because of love). therefore, a man can usually only control the rages of anger and beatings for so long and may actually compare the beatings to the love they have for a person that they can not express in any other manner. The more beatings that occur the more violated the woman becomes and frightened that loving the person is no longer going to work and reality sets in that things are not right for SOME reason, usually by this time of reality the damage has been done mentally and physically to the woman . Some women are not very competent in mental health issues so therefore a person links the beatings to something they have or have not done leading to low self esteem problems and a fear of protecting themselves. Some women are caregivers or problem solvers, and this seems to be the norm that the person doing the beatings is generally involved with a problem solver, care giver or co- dependent person, and if you have one or more of these traits you are more likely to get involved with a wife beater or abuser either emotionally and physically. The best thing you can do for yourself is protect yourself and your mental health by being an independent person if possible so your self esteem issues do not create conditions that will make you a victim again. Take care Vixen. Soidhonia