[gmts]

So, it happened to me with literally all of my family members and all the abused people I talked to in person or in 12 steps online meetings, it is the same all over again: if you confront the abuser with that what s/he did to you, they just outright deny it. "No, I didn't do that. You are making it up, this never happened". And if they can't really do it, then they ridiculously downplay it and just turn it around. Just for example my father always did. "Oh c'mon, just once or maybe twice I raised my voice a tiny little bit, I'm only human after all. And you gave me all reasons for it. I did it only for you, to give you a good education. You think this was fun for me? Etc., etc.
(I'm not going to rant about this in particular, but I can tell you, this is plain ridiculous.)

What is it about that? Is that self-protection as in not having to admit it? Or not having to face what you did? How can they be so incredibly shameless lying about it? Even when being disowned by the victim, they are sill keeping up to their version of the story. I really don't get it ...

[RubyRae]

I guess they just don't want to admit any wrongdoing.That's the only thing I can think of.It's very hurtful.I would love to hear one of my abusers admit what they did,tell me how wrong they were and beg for my forgiveness but I know that will never happen.

[gmts]

Well, nobody really likes to admit wrongdoing. OTOH, for a grown up person it shouldn't be a big deal to say "I'm sorry that I'm late. I'm sorry that I forgot to return your call. I'm sorry that I treated you unfair on this or that matter".

However, I believe that abuse of any kind essentially means that you are getting "pleasure" (of all sorts, not nessecarily sexually) at somebody else's cost without getting punished for it. And admitting it would ruin everything.

Now, I'm seriously wondering, that if somebody can't admit(we're aren't even talking about apology) even a simple small thing and just has to turn it around, maybe this is already a proof that abuse is happening.