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  #1  
Old Aug 12, 2017, 08:28 PM
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PreciousQueen PreciousQueen is offline
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*** trigger warning***


he used to make me have panic attacks so he rape me. He liked how I panicked and tried to keep clawing at him mad hitting him

. He said it made him feel great to hear me and feel me struggle under him.

It wasn't just during panic attacks. He would try all sorts of things to make me feel pain during rape. Twist and snap my wrists behind me or my legs, hit me, try to put me in awkward and painful poses, bite my breasts...anything to make me scream that he could think of. I can't write the rest down yet
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Amyjay, Anonymous37961, benzenering, Guiness187055, HD7970GHZ, Onward2wards, reb569

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  #2  
Old Aug 16, 2017, 01:46 PM
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Silver_Eagle Silver_Eagle is offline
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I am so sad reading this. I hope you can heal from it.
  #3  
Old Aug 16, 2017, 10:42 PM
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PreciousQueen PreciousQueen is offline
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Originally Posted by Silver_Eagle View Post
I am so sad reading this. I hope you can heal from it.

Thank you. I am trying.
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  #4  
Old Aug 17, 2017, 02:34 AM
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reb569 reb569 is offline
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I'm so sorry. Recovery from an abusive relationship is very difficult. Do you have a support system now in place?
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"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)

"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
~ Anne Rice
  #5  
Old Aug 17, 2017, 11:00 PM
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PreciousQueen PreciousQueen is offline
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Originally Posted by reb569 View Post
I'm so sorry. Recovery from an abusive relationship is very difficult. Do you have a support system now in place?
Thank you. I am still trying. I am finding just how many fake people I have around me.
  #6  
Old Aug 18, 2017, 12:20 PM
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Guiness187055 Guiness187055 is offline
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Good God..So sorry you had to go through that.
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  #7  
Old Aug 19, 2017, 12:29 AM
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PreciousQueen PreciousQueen is offline
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Originally Posted by Guiness187055 View Post
Good God..So sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you. At least it's over.
  #8  
Old Aug 20, 2017, 03:24 AM
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reb569 reb569 is offline
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Originally Posted by PreciousQueen View Post
Thank you. I am still trying. I am finding just how many fake people I have around me.
Are you seeing a therapist? A therapist can help you find services to help you recover from this.
__________________
"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)

"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
~ Anne Rice
  #9  
Old Aug 22, 2017, 12:16 AM
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PreciousQueen PreciousQueen is offline
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Originally Posted by reb569 View Post
Are you seeing a therapist? A therapist can help you find services to help you recover from this.
I'm still on a waiting list for one
  #10  
Old Aug 22, 2017, 01:15 AM
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HD7970GHZ HD7970GHZ is offline
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My heart goes out to you. You are a survivor. You are strong.

Your post makes me sad and angry. I am so sorry you went through that...

My teddy bears send their hugs.

Hd7970ghz
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"stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget"
"roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles"
"the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy"
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"promote pleasure - prevent pain"
"with change - comes loss"
  #11  
Old Aug 22, 2017, 02:42 AM
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reb569 reb569 is offline
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Location: Central New York
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Originally Posted by PreciousQueen View Post
I'm still on a waiting list for one
I'm sorry. That's horrible. I'm not sure what agency/organization you are on a waiting list for. Have you tried other agencies that might be able to help you in the meantime? Catholic Charities or the Mental Health Association? Both generally are no fee or low fee based on income. Our local MHA where I live is awesome. It has groups and referrals and they really sit down with people and try to find services to help them. They don't provide therapy in general, but they can provide support.
__________________
"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)

"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
~ Anne Rice
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