30 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In A Relationship

1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.

2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.

3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.

4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.

5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.

7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.

8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money.

9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.

10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.

11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.

12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.

13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren't true.

14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can't tolerate others laughing at them.

15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.

16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.

17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.

18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.

20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.

21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

22. They don't show you empathy or compassion.

23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

25. They don't seem to notice or care about your feelings.

26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.

27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

28. They share personal information about you with others.

29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.

30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

[angelindarkness]

I can relate to so many of these ..

Originally Posted by angelindarkness

I can relate to so many of these ..

Me too. Esp. with the last relationship I was in, it was chock full of examples from this list.

1. He called me "a keeper" as if I were a pet dog, in front of his friends at dinner.

2. He never listened to my ideas or respected my opinions about anything.

3. When he would say something mean, that I'd call him out on, he'd deflect by calling me "sensitive."

4. Once, in his car, I threw a gum wrapper on the floor after I put a piece of chewing gum in my mouth and he said, "Pick up that wrapper and put it in your pocket now! I don't want you littering!" (We were both 38 years old at the time)

5. He trivialized a traumatic car accident I experienced, by comparing my injuries to another female friend of his, stating "oh that's nothing my friend so-and-so had it much worse than you," instead of offering me compassion and understanding when I shared a vulnerable time in my life.

6. He'd lie all the time about not dating his coworker behind my back, even when I'd catch him getting ready to meet her after work. He'd tell me he was going to the gym, and wouldn't be home when I got home (we lived together). But then I'd come home and see him all dressed up with a bottle of wine and ask him where he was going, and comment that I didn't know he needed to bring a bottle of wine with him to the gym. Then he'd tell me he was meeting her for "coffee" (yeah, after they had sex, i later found out).

7. He was 100% emotionally unavailable and had no interest in connecting with me on an emotional level. He just needed a placeholder person aka "rebound" which it turns out, I was.

8. He constantly played the victim about his role in his family, his role at work, and with with ex-wife because he always had someone else to blame for his problems, rather than look at himself as the cause of his own problems.

9. He never really cared about my feelings or respected me. When I found text messages on his phone from his coworker and confronted him, I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said, "well, you're welcome to sleep on the couch but you need to be gone by morning." Yuck. He didn't even apologize for cheating on me at this point. He tried to deflect by focusing on the fact that found text messages on his phone as evidence of his cheating instead.

Lesson learned, as they say. I deserved better. I don't know why I settled for this loser. But I did at the time.