[shaynambarclay]

I am 19 years old fresh out of High school. I currently am looking for a job and waiting to start school (I won’t be away at) in December. I live with my Mom, Dad, Sister, and Brother. I am diagnosed with Bipolar Depression, and PTSD. I do take medication and go to therapy. I am still very much dependent on my parents and would not be able to survive without them. So here’s what’s troubling. My dad is extremely emotionally and verbally abusive to everyone in my family. We think he is showing signs of Borderline Personality Disorder, but he has never been diagnosed. He refuses to believe anything is wrong with him. He is an avid alcoholic and prescription drug user. (Together) My dad is very threatening to me in which he says stuff like He will kill my animals, kick me out, take stuff from me, etc. he calls me names such as “*****,” “*****,” “Slut,” “White Trash,” “Fat,” and many many more. My Dad is extremely sexual and constantly makes remarks about my body, or he’ll talk about very inappropriate things in front of me. I am a rape victim and being touched by men I am not romantic with is very triggering. He does it on purpose, including my boobs and butt because he knows there will be a reaction. But I can’t help it. He’s very narcissistic and blames everyone but himself. It’s been 4 years since I’ve been raped and he still tells me it’s my fault. He likes to “push” me by getting me to do stuff out of my boundaries. Everyone including my therapist has told him to stop but he thinks he is right and everyone else is stupid. He is extremely demanding and requests many odd jobs from us kids. (For example, he will make us empty a bottle he has peed in) My dad threatens me everyday but they are empty threats. He has threatened to hurt me and kill me. He also doesn’t understand when someone says no. He will offer me alcohol or weed and continue asking me until I get mad. Even after I refused. Mental illness runs in his side of the family. He uses many things against me. For example, he lied to me and said he went in debt because of me. (He lies a lot, he once told me my cat escaped even though it was laying with me) he thinks I owe him everytime he does something for me. He doesn’t act like a father figure he is a huge pervert, and bully. My mom is very aware but very stuck and won’t leave him because she is scared of him. As am I. I am still dependent and can’t leave the house however he is causing my mental Illness. I have self harmed and even attempted suicide because of him. Please can I have some advice? I am so stuck.

[CANDC]

Hi shaynambarclay. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry your father is acting so abusive and unsupportive. It sounds like he will not change.

Have you considered asking your therapist for referrals to women's shelters for abused women. You sound like you are not only being mistreated but are being threatened and hurt by his words and actions. I do not know what the solution is but when someone like your father is threatening and terrorizing your family, it may be a warning sign to act.

Again I know action is not easy but maybe your therapist can advise you about what they think your options are. One thing to ask them also if you might qualify for disability. That might give you resources to support yourself financially, but that is not easy to get.

I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation but I caution you about following advice from people who do not know your situation well. I do not know what you should do except talk more to professionals like your therapist to look more carefully how you might proceed to protect yourself from these words and situations you face.

[shaynambarclay]

Thank you!