[eyesclosed]

I think I'm to hard on myself. I blame myself for letting people abuse me emotionally. I just learned though someone has to enable it too happen. Usually there is always someone who can say something to put a stop to it. In my case it's been my mother. Growing up she never stopped my dad or brother and sister. They would do it right in front of her. I just figured this out. She also let my ex-to-be wife do it. It seems as though she gets some type of relief or enjoyment from it. Try and figure out who enabled your abuse besides yourself.

[QueenCopper]

My Mom... It was ok for my abuser to continue after I told her and after her friend told her.

[eyesclosed]

Why do you think they want to see there kid be abused?

I would say that society enables abusers because simply put, abusers do what they do because they can. There is no real consequence for their actions because society and the failed system in general lets them get away with it.

I think if we punished abusers much more harshly and ruthlessly, that we would have a lot less people victimized by these vermin.

Personally, I would handle it by punishing anybody who abuses somebody in such a way that causes them any kind of long term damage or hardship in their daily life in a similar manner to how rapists and pedophiles are treated; lock them up for several years and put them on a registry so that the rest of us don't have to deal with them.

Well that and require a license to be a parent in order to weed out potential abusers but that's a story for another day.

[eyesclosed]

Yes I think it's very true what you say. Abuse is used in many different areas in this country family, medical, school, work and politics to name a few. There is always someone with the power to stop it but they don't and so it spreads like a virus.

[GreenBlueRed]

The law enabled the abuser.

I remember looking at a police officer as a child, feeling hurt and scared and angry. He looked concerned, his brow knitted together, arms crossed, lips pursed and frowning, and he apologized to me. He could do nothing under the law. I cannot forget his face.

You start to truly learn about the real, messy, unfair world in those moments.

[eyesclosed]

That's awful it sound's like he was feeling bad about it. I agree we need more specific family laws. I'm sorry.

Originally Posted by eyesclosed

I think I'm to hard on myself. I blame myself for letting people abuse me emotionally. I just learned though someone has to enable it too happen. Usually there is always someone who can say something to put a stop to it. In my case it's been my mother. Growing up she never stopped my dad or brother and sister. They would do it right in front of her. I just figured this out. She also let my ex-to-be wife do it. It seems as though she gets some type of relief or enjoyment from it. Try and figure out who enabled your abuse besides yourself.

I struggle with this quite a bit

my abusers were my mother, brother, and sister and I often think to myself- is their more I could have done to prevent it?. run away?. report them to the police?

why did I not do any of that stuff and just let it happen

and then those thoughts make me feel weak and I feel so ashamed.

but I suppose some families just don't deserve children
I guess I can't blame myself for it all, i'm not the person doing the actual abusing, right?

(I question it because I guess I sort of was)

when I got free, I did try and report them.

but I get panic attacks near the police, and I just never got far with it.

[eyesclosed]

Your like me blame yourself, when really you didn't abuse yourself or not do something about it. When were little kids were learning and didn't know the difference between non-abusive and abusive behavior. I get panics attacks looking at the house I grew up in. Like me your family enabled this and still would. I hope you stay away from the enablers of abuse towards you. You deserve better.

Originally Posted by eyesclosed

Your like me blame yourself, when really you didn't abuse yourself or not do something about it. When were little kids were learning and didn't know the difference between non-abusive and abusive behavior. I get panics attacks looking at the house I grew up in. Like me your family enabled this and still would. I hope you stay away from the enablers of abuse towards you. You deserve better.

thankfully, I now live in a diffrent part of the country to where the abuse happened, and I don't plan to move back towards that area.

my abusers try to contact me sometimes, but i've learned my lesson and I don't talk to them

the thing I struggle with these days is forgetting.
I wish I could just forget details of my house, details of the abuse, details of how it made me feel, but I can't.

it's almost like it's taking over my life.. their's memories everywhere

I mean how do you start going about forgetting those kinds of details?

[eyesclosed]

I don't know. I'm just entering this reality and has frozen me in depression at times. I know I need to move as far as I can away.

[Curry]

My dad enabled my mother who is an alcoholic, she was his girl no matter what she did. I wanted someone to love me, so when my dad gave me his affection, I was grateful that it was better than nothing. Now that he is gone, there is no longer a path to my heart for my mom to hurt me. I would chose receiving love again, I felt I needed it to grow my heart when I was little. I think I would have walked away from them both when I grew up, if I had known that you can do that.

[Unrigged64072835]

I think my mother enabled my father. She would tell him what I did "wrong", and he'd beat the crap out of me. Other times it was the other way around. He would tell her something and she'd give me the silent treatment. As much as they fought each other they stood united when it came to "discipline."

[*Laurie*]

My mother enabled the abuse. Or, more correctly I should say my mother's mental illness enabled the abuse.

My former T enabled my abuser and others. Hard to believe but sadly true.

[eyesclosed]

I wonder if they know what there doing?

[Curry]

I thought I was doing such a good job in telling my husband, "No, stop." when he roared at my kids. I used to roar at him to stop and then roar when he wouldn't hear what I needed or the kids needed because it wasn't his idea. He left me two years ago. I am just beginning to realize what it means to really stand up to an abuser. I am just learning that all the times I roared have been just as harmful. I am willing to do whatever it takes to protect my son's right to choose his path out of depression and addiction. My ex is in overdrive with control issues.

[eyesclosed]

You showed your kids you didn't agree with his tone while he was upset with them. You did what you could. When you stand up to your abuser that takes courage and you should be glad you did this, even though it may have been hard.

[Curry]

On Monday I'm insisting two of my children come with me to a therapist so she can explain the hardships their older brother is facing. They can say how they have struggled with his being addicted and we can all learn how to talk to each other. The whole family went to a therapist last week. Everyone was nicer after but we easily trip in to blame, mistrust and anger. The hardest part of approaching my oldest with love is looking at myself in the mirror of his addiction.. Everyone is blaming me for everything. I have lots of things to say sorry for. We are going to have to turn our attention to their dad too, hopefully with love as well.

[eyesclosed]

It's good you are taking control of the family situation and hope the road to recovery for all of you is on the way.

[Addanc]

Most definitely my mother.

She would encourage my father and manipulate situations to make everything seem like my fault. She never did anything to me, only forcing me to wait for my father to get home and learn about the dish I supposedly smashed.

At least, I got a little enjoyment out of watching him taunt her over the fact that she always expected him to deal with me and never had the backbone to do anything herself, not even the housework that I missed out on doing while waiting for him.

[Amyjay]

My mother enabled my abuser. Also my school and the police who dropped the charges without questioning any further.

[eyesclosed]

This is really amazing that most mothers are enabling abuse to us. 7 of the 12 responses were answered mother.

[msrobot]

Originally Posted by eyesclosed

This is really amazing that most mothers are enabling abuse to us. 7 of the 12 responses were answered mother.

Releasing a monster/dragon, and playing martyr is probably a common dynamic. I see these "enablers" as abusers as well.