[Abusedbysister]

I grew up in an Italian Canadian family and boys were suppose to be boys and girls were supposed to be girls. Since I remember, my younger sister used to physically abuse me. I was the 18 months older brother and she was very tough. It initially started when she would grab toys from me and if I didn't give them to her , she would grab a toy and hit me hard. Then things got really bad when I was about 10- 11 and she learned about boy 's sensitive parts. She started to kick me in my privates and it got to the point that I was scared of fighting back and would just block my privates and she would hit me in the face. My parents blamed me for losing fights to my younger sister , but we had to spend many hours or days alone due to my mom's work schedule, and she bullied me around the house and physically beat me if I didn't listen. I felt very ashamed and almost took my life when I was about 17 but didn't at the end. I have been in and out of therapy due to my anxiety and insomnia but I always felt very isolated and can't discuss this with anyone. I always thought I was the only guy who was abuses by a younger sister but I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience.

[Open Eyes]

This can most definitely happen with siblings. She learned she can get to you and she has been continuing her bad behavior ever since. Sounds like you could benefit from some defense classes so you can stand up to her and put her in her place without hurting her, yet be able to take away her power over you.

[Abusedbysister]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

This can most definitely happen with siblings. She learned she can get to you and she has been continuing her bad behavior ever since. Sounds like you could benefit from some defense classes so you can stand up to her and put her in her place without hurting her, yet be able to take away her power over you.

Thank you for your message. I think I would have benefited from defence classes when i was young. We are adults now and she does not beat me up physically anymore. Although the physical abuse was over 20 years ago, I get really stressed out when I am around her for more than a few days. We live in separate cities now and only see each other at family functions during holidays once in a while (like Christmas or Easter) but I still feel very intimidated by her. When she tells me to do something, I just do it and get really stressed out. I have been to therapy but cannot get her beating me up out of my thoughts and go through periods that I constantly think about it (usually after I am around her ). I haven't told anyone about it (other than a couple of therapists) but the shame of losing fights to my younger sister follows me.

[Agent Misty]

I know exactly what you went through. My twin sister was the same way.
She needed things to be perfectly her way, so it started when we were very young. She told me how to do everything the way she wanted and if I messed up, she would hit or punch me. Then it progressed to verbal abuse and the physical abuse started to happen in school, too.nshe would get detention for punching me in front of everyone, starting in kindetrgarden. If I accidently touched her, she would also hit me for that. It got to the point in grade school that when people raised there hands near me for any reason I would flinch and draw back, as a learned response to that visual because she would hit/kick me throughout the day, every day. My mom was learning disabled and couldnt handle mit. My sister abused her to. The only thing she could do to protect me was send me outside to be away from my sister, which felt like I was the one being punished at the time. I was a frail girl with "failure to thrive" so it made me an easy target. Once middle school started the hitting began to stop and she switched to psychological torture. she began spreading awful lies about me in school and telling me to kill myself every day Starting at age twelve. I tried but I couldnt do it. Then we began getting in all out fights starting in the 8th grade, with us both going at eachother. I finally dropped out and ran away in 9th grade.

Things are a lot different now (I'm 25 now) my sister still has manipulative attitudes and is still emotionally and physically abusive with her boyfriends and my mom at times, but I live in a different state now and she is nice to me. I don't really care about it anymore because i learned about the mental disorders on my moms side of the family and realized she was essentially born that way. It wasn't fair, but it helped me get over it.

[reb569]

Originally Posted by Abusedbysister

Thank you for your message. I think I would have benefited from defence classes when i was young. We are adults now and she does not beat me up physically anymore. Although the physical abuse was over 20 years ago, I get really stressed out when I am around her for more than a few days. We live in separate cities now and only see each other at family functions during holidays once in a while (like Christmas or Easter) but I still feel very intimidated by her. When she tells me to do something, I just do it and get really stressed out. I have been to therapy but cannot get her beating me up out of my thoughts and go through periods that I constantly think about it (usually after I am around her ). I haven't told anyone about it (other than a couple of therapists) but the shame of losing fights to my younger sister follows me.

You can't change the past, but you can change your relationship going forward. Maybe you could work with a therapist on saying no to her and handling what her response could be?

[nicoleflynn]

You might consider writing a letter of restorative justice...restorative justice says...this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. The letter is for YOU; i think it takes some of your power back. You can choose to give it to her (she will probably deny what she did and blame you), or keep it.

[Abusedbysister]

Thank you for the replies. I will try retroactive justice letter for myself. If I give it to her, I am not sure how she will react and may make me feel worse.

I have been to therapists and they have managed to make me function around her, but we have never gone to the point that I can stand up to her. We have done some exercises but then when I am around her, I kind of freeze and can't think well enough for the responses. We live in different cities now, which is so much the better.

I know how humiliating it is to be bullied by someone younger than you, someone who is supposed to love you, or both. I've always been bullied - since kindergarten, wherever I went - but for most of my life I had at least the "dignity" of being bullied by people around my own age. That changed when I got landed in a wheelchair halfway through high school. There were a lot of first years who thought it cool and brave to pick on a fourth year girl, the fact that I was in a wheelchair and pretty much unable to fight back didn't make it less cool in their eyes. They called me names, would herd me into corners and not allow me to leave, and throw stones at my very injured and VERY painful leg. Thank got none of those stones hit.
They must've felt so brave. And I was so humliated. Picked on by first years.

I'm very sorry this happeend to you. You didn't deserve it. There's something wrong with HER, not wit you.

[Abusedbysister]

Thank you for sharing. I really feel sorry for your ordeal but I understand what you were going through as she did beat me up in front of the neighbourhood kids, which was very humiliating. I still think about those days and took me a while to recover from the embarrassment.

Originally Posted by Breadfish

I know how humiliating it is to be bullied by someone younger than you, someone who is supposed to love you, or both. I've always been bullied - since kindergarten, wherever I went - but for most of my life I had at least the "dignity" of being bullied by people around my own age. That changed when I got landed in a wheelchair halfway through high school. There were a lot of first years who thought it cool and brave to pick on a fourth year girl, the fact that I was in a wheelchair and pretty much unable to fight back didn't make it less cool in their eyes. They called me names, would herd me into corners and not allow me to leave, and throw stones at my very injured and VERY painful leg. Thank got none of those stones hit.
They must've felt so brave. And I was so humliated. Picked on by first years.

I'm very sorry this happeend to you. You didn't deserve it. There's something wrong with HER, not wit you.