[4428247]

I've dealt with a variety of abusive situations already in my few 16 years, and I'm still hopeless in how to fix them. My first relationship was emotionally and physically abusive and I couldn't force myself to leave for 7 months after I realized. My parents aren't to the level of abusive but they are extremely emotionally invalidating. My older brother, as recognized by everyone in the family, was both physically and verbally abusive to me only, though my mom brushed it off mostly as "being too close in age" (I don't thing age closeness causes people to try to break your arm on a railing but maybe that's jus the me), and he's off to college now. All of those, though, had other people that recognized those was a bad situations and helped me get out or at least supported me throughout.

Now we recently moved a few states over and I'm the oldest with two you get siblings. Before the move, my younger sister would routinely gouge at my little brother with her nails if she disagreed with something and got angry about it. She would always justify it by blaming him and would refuse to apologize. My parents are super strict and I always thought they'd punish her for it or at least force her to apologize, but they never really did anything past saying "don't hurt your little brother." My little brother is very gentle and the most he's probably done out of anger is throw an action figure at the ground so it's painful for me to watch and I try to step in whenever possible. Now with the move, she seems to have turned on both of us. For example, today, she got angry at me in a conversation and kicked both of my shins so hard they bled and gouged her nails down my entire arm. When she came at me the second time with her hand, I grabbed it. She runs in crying, saying I hurt her as I'm sitting in the backyard bleeding in four spots. My mom said that I shouldn't have angered her and was mad at me all day for it and she got off easy. I have two different scars from her getting me in the past and my brother probably has more. I'm the older and stronger sibling and I have no idea what to do about it if I can't defend myself without punishment from my parents.

I also said to my sister that if she tries to hurt me out of anger again I'm done, I'm not going to play the game anymore and I'm not going to continue trying to build a relationship or speak to you and she said "Fine by me" (mind you, this was a day removed from any incident) so talking to her doesn't help..

If anyone has any ideas on how to help me, that would be wonderful. There's a lot more detail I here than I meant to put in, but that felt good to get off my chest.

[reb569]

Originally Posted by 4428247

I've dealt with a variety of abusive situations already in my few 16 years, and I'm still hopeless in how to fix them. My first relationship was emotionally and physically abusive and I couldn't force myself to leave for 7 months after I realized. My parents aren't to the level of abusive but they are extremely emotionally invalidating. My older brother, as recognized by everyone in the family, was both physically and verbally abusive to me only, though my mom brushed it off mostly as "being too close in age" (I don't thing age closeness causes people to try to break your arm on a railing but maybe that's jus the me), and he's off to college now. All of those, though, had other people that recognized those was a bad situations and helped me get out or at least supported me throughout.

Now we recently moved a few states over and I'm the oldest with two you get siblings. Before the move, my younger sister would routinely gouge at my little brother with her nails if she disagreed with something and got angry about it. She would always justify it by blaming him and would refuse to apologize. My parents are super strict and I always thought they'd punish her for it or at least force her to apologize, but they never really did anything past saying "don't hurt your little brother." My little brother is very gentle and the most he's probably done out of anger is throw an action figure at the ground so it's painful for me to watch and I try to step in whenever possible. Now with the move, she seems to have turned on both of us. For example, today, she got angry at me in a conversation and kicked both of my shins so hard they bled and gouged her nails down my entire arm. When she came at me the second time with her hand, I grabbed it. She runs in crying, saying I hurt her as I'm sitting in the backyard bleeding in four spots. My mom said that I shouldn't have angered her and was mad at me all day for it and she got off easy. I have two different scars from her getting me in the past and my brother probably has more. I'm the older and stronger sibling and I have no idea what to do about it if I can't defend myself without punishment from my parents.

I also said to my sister that if she tries to hurt me out of anger again I'm done, I'm not going to play the game anymore and I'm not going to continue trying to build a relationship or speak to you and she said "Fine by me" (mind you, this was a day removed from any incident) so talking to her doesn't help..

If anyone has any ideas on how to help me, that would be wonderful. There's a lot more detail I here than I meant to put in, but that felt good to get off my chest.

I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation. I had a similar, but much less severe issue when I was growing up with two of my older brothers. They liked to bully me and then when I got angry and told them to stop, they would tell my Mom that I started it and I would get punished. It rarely got physical, although my one brother liked to tackle me and pull wrestling moves on me. Never cuts and/or bruises.

The only thing I can think of is to sit down with your parents during a time of calmness and explain the situation. That your little brother is not instigating the attacks, nor are you, you are both just trying to defend yourselves.

It sounds like your younger sister needs to see a therapist to explore her anger issues. It's your parent's responsibility to make that happen.

I'm going to throw one more idea out there. When your sister is behaving well, try to engage with her then, give her some positive reinforcement. But, as soon as she starts to get angry or violent, disengage from her as quickly as possible. It could be that she's used to only getting attention when she behaves badly, and she could be modeling your older brother's behavior.

Good luck. I hope that you can get your parents to look at this situation more clearly.

[Shazerac]

Sorry you are going through this. I agree with the others that you try to talk to parents about it again. That may not work though. I think people don't take siblings fighting seriously enough.

My younger sister was violent and my mother was pretty much a mentally absentee parent. The only way I managed was to not have any interaction with her at all when she was angry. Even if I had to go outside and climb up a tree. She came after me there once but discovered that it was difficult to have a fist fight in a tree.

Her violence was never addressed when she was a child and now she's a violent adult.

The only thing I can tell you is to try to be aware when things are escalating towards her attacking you is to get away from her. When she's in a rage there is no point in trying to talk to her.

It does sound like she needs therapy.

[4428247]

To the answers: and issue here is that my parents believe mental illness are just personality traits which is a struggle for solving anything :/ Therapy is not really an option for any of us for anything (even though our insurance would pay for 100% of it)

Thank you for your suggestions on how to avoid it though

Any chance you can see a school counsellor or a teacher - just one supportive adult who believes you and cares?

This isn't sibling rivalry, but sibling abuse and your parents are enabling your abusive sister and the brother who tried breaking your arm.

[reb569]

Yes -- try a school counselor. Does your sister have issues in school too? If so, the school might be able to step in there too.

[4428247]

We are both schooled online, not a physical school

[reb569]

Originally Posted by 4428247

We are both schooled online, not a physical school

Well that answers that question. How about a family Dr?

[4428247]

Originally Posted by reb569

Well that answers that question. How about a family Dr?

we don't have one, we're military so we have whatever tricare physician feels up to seeing someone that day

[reb569]

Originally Posted by 4428247

we don't have one, we're military so we have whatever tricare physician feels up to seeing someone that day

Well it sounds like talking to your parents and trying to get them to see what's happening is probably your best choice at this time. How about church? A pastor?

[Abusedbysister]

Originally Posted by 4428247

I've dealt with a variety of abusive situations already in my few 16 years, and I'm still hopeless in how to fix them. My first relationship was emotionally and physically abusive and I couldn't force myself to leave for 7 months after I realized. My parents aren't to the level of abusive but they are extremely emotionally invalidating. My older brother, as recognized by everyone in the family, was both physically and verbally abusive to me only, though my mom brushed it off mostly as "being too close in age" (I don't thing age closeness causes people to try to break your arm on a railing but maybe that's jus the me), and he's off to college now. All of those, though, had other people that recognized those was a bad situations and helped me get out or at least supported me throughout.

Now we recently moved a few states over and I'm the oldest with two you get siblings. Before the move, my younger sister would routinely gouge at my little brother with her nails if she disagreed with something and got angry about it. She would always justify it by blaming him and would refuse to apologize. My parents are super strict and I always thought they'd punish her for it or at least force her to apologize, but they never really did anything past saying "don't hurt your little brother." My little brother is very gentle and the most he's probably done out of anger is throw an action figure at the ground so it's painful for me to watch and I try to step in whenever possible. Now with the move, she seems to have turned on both of us. For example, today, she got angry at me in a conversation and kicked both of my shins so hard they bled and gouged her nails down my entire arm. When she came at me the second time with her hand, I grabbed it. She runs in crying, saying I hurt her as I'm sitting in the backyard bleeding in four spots. My mom said that I shouldn't have angered her and was mad at me all day for it and she got off easy. I have two different scars from her getting me in the past and my brother probably has more. I'm the older and stronger sibling and I have no idea what to do about it if I can't defend myself without punishment from my parents.

I also said to my sister that if she tries to hurt me out of anger again I'm done, I'm not going to play the game anymore and I'm not going to continue trying to build a relationship or speak to you and she said "Fine by me" (mind you, this was a day removed from any incident) so talking to her doesn't help..

If anyone has any ideas on how to help me, that would be wonderful. There's a lot more detail I here than I meant to put in, but that felt good to get off my chest.

I also had a very abusive younger sister. She used to kick, punch, and slap me all the time. When she was 9-10 she learned about the boy's sensitive parts, and she started to kick me in my privates when we would get into arguments. She bullied me all my teenage years, both physically and mentally. I grew up being scared of her, and she knew it and enjoyed bossing me around. I agree with everyone else and talk to your parents asap. I wish I had done more when I was younger. Family counselling may help and I wish we had done that and that may have changed my life and helped me from a life of depression, anxiety and self-abuse.