[jellybean15]

when i was 10 or so, i remember my older cousin (he was 16) would

Possible trigger:

wake me up for school but he would touch me under my pj dress before he actually woke me up. Other instances we would be watching tv with my other cousins and he would pull me aside to another room. He would pinch my eyes shut and put himself in my mouth until i gagged. i don’t remember much of the 2 years it lasted, only clips like him and i left alone in the house. he would help me with homework, drop my eraser under the table cloth and then he was there touching me with his mouth and fingers. the most horrifying part is i think i liked it. he never put himself into me so my purity is still intact.

Im 15 now and i see him from tjme to time but he’s never mentioned it. i learned recently that my 19 yr old sister had that happen when she was 13ish. ive never told anyone close to me but it affects how i react to relationships now.

[Amyjay]

I am sorry he did that to you. There is no doubt that it was sexual abuse.
Can I ask you what it is about it that you doubt yourself? Is there something specific that you think about and say "Well, it probably wasn't sexual abuse because..." ?

[bunnyhabit]

do feel you did something to cause him to do this like dress inappropriate or visual flirt with him. that is what i feel when remembering my daddy molesting and put penis in me. it affects my response when my so makes love to me sometimes

[nicoleflynn]

Molesters usually don't abuse one person; they keep doing it. Perhaps you should consider telling your parents or an adult you trust.