Always a target for narcs and abusers -- how to change this???

Feb 07, 2018, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by behindthemirror

Eve, I’ve had similar problems with my relationships all of my life. I kept trying to pick different people, but until I healed some things in me, I couldn’t properly recognize (or even draw) healthier people. It was only after lots of therapy and self-work that I was finally able to choose a good, kind person. Included in that self-work was getting to the point where I was totally okay with being alone for the rest of my life if it worked out that way. There is truth to that tired old adage about finding someone when you’re “not looking” (aka not so invested in finding someone to love you). Don’t give up! It will happen. As others have said, just worry about Eve for now.

TY!

You know, a close girlfriend of mine did the same as you, then found her husband to be after realizing she could be OK alone. Guess that is the secret recipe? I don't even have a choice right now BUT to be single. I have too much going on and healing to do...... thank you for this though. It helps.

Fuzzybear · Feb 07, 2018, 02:38 PM

I’ve found that abusers study people, and often are lavish with their compliments

. (Usually fake

) They are looking for food

but may appear to be sweet and kind... it took me many many years to spot some of the less obvious red flags

(Some are very “clever” and manipulative

)

As others have said, work on Eve, as you get healthier you’ll attract genuinely kind, healthier people

I’ve found this to be true for me

divine1966 · 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravm

I think you do. Sadly that is the world today. Filled with more narcissists than I'd ever want to know. If you are nasty, you will be better off. This can be very hard for some of us but we can learn.

I don’t believe there is any need to be nasty. Or be as golden says “biatch”. No need for that. At the same time no need to put up with bad threatment or be a doormat. People could nice and kind to others yet don’t tolerate, let alone encourage, bad treatment.

Feb 07, 2018, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’ve found that abusers study people, and often are lavish with their compliments

. (Usually fake

) They are looking for food

but may appear to be sweet and kind... it took me many many years to spot some of the less obvious red flags

(Some are very “clever” and manipulative

)

As others have said, work on Eve, as you get healthier you’ll attract genuinely kind, healthier people

I’ve found this to be true for me

TY Fuzzy! My fiance was lavish with compliments and he turned out to be somewhat abusive.

Yes, time to work on ME!

Fuzzybear · Feb 08, 2018, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by golden_eve

TY Fuzzy! My fiance was lavish with compliments and he turned out to be somewhat abusive.

Yes, time to work on ME!

If they compliment you but tear others down behind their backs,...(manipulation, fear, obligation, guilt) .(they are “always a victim of someone”

or perhaps “just superior to everyone”

..).

...Also if they try to guilt trip and pressure you to reveal more information than you are comfortable giving...

Those jerks are not welcome

Time to work on

us

It’s always the kind loving people these .. people target

. It’s sad

Feb 08, 2018, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

If they compliment you but tear others down behind their backs,...(manipulation, fear, obligation, guilt) .(they are “always a victim of someone”

or perhaps “just superior to everyone”

..).

...Also if they try to guilt trip and pressure you to reveal more information than you are comfortable giving...

Those jerks are not welcome

Time to work on

us

It’s always the kind loving people these .. people target

. It’s sad

YES YES and YES!!!! It's terrible...... they do use your weaknesses or vulnerabilities against you.... and yes, by taking info that you've revealed to them that you may not have wanted to reveal....

Agreed ... I am going to work on self love and strengthening my boundaries!!