[Unhinged88]

Have you ever told anyone about your abuse and they reacted negatively? Maybe they stopped talking to you all together or perhaps you noticed a shift in the relationship dynamic?

Have you ever told anyone who you thought wouldn't understand but instead they ended up being supportive?

[Albatross2008]

The pattern for me usually goes like this.

1.) People meet me and wonder what the heck is wrong with me.
2.) As they get to know me, they become familiar with my history.
3.) Then they wonder how the heck I'm as sane as I am.

Before it gets to that point, however, there can be a lot of misunderstanding. When people first hear that I am little-to-no-contact with most of my birth family, I might get a lot of advice about "you only get one mother," or "family is important," or "forgiveness is for your own benefit," or "I'm sure your mother did the best she could." The more they learn, though, the more they understand.

[Unhinged88]

I remember telling a guy I was dating for several months. And the look of disgust on his face. Did he mean to look that way? Did he really see me that way afterwards?

I just wonder if people tell others and what their experiences are. Or if people think telling is helpful to their own recovery, despite knowing how someone might react.

[Albatross2008]

I have heard of men who react that way when they find out a woman they've been interested in is a survivor of SA. He may or may not be aware that it isn't her fault, but (spoilered for the imagery)

Possible trigger:

he's not going to buy a bag of potato chips that's been ripped open and put back on the grocery shelf. He doesn't know what's been done to the chips inside the bag. Instead, he's going to look for a bag with a seal that's still intact.

It's not fair, but I believe that's the way they're figuring it. And I think it's a shame. People CAN heal, if given a chance.

One very disgusting man complained about knowing so many women who were survivors of SA. He said (spoilered because this is really vile)

Possible trigger:

he wonders why a wife who has been sexually abused is willing to have sex with her abuser, but not with her husband. Doesn't that creep get it that she wasn't WILLING? And because she wasn't willing, it wasn't sex, but abuse. She needs time so her brain and her muscle memory can separate the concepts, and realize that a loving husband who is acting respectful of her is not doing the same thing the abuser did.

[Erti]

I told a friend about my sexual abuse... not sure if he remembered I told him that but he basically said one day while we were out, "It seems pretty popular that people are coming out about being raped"... Hes never treated me differently over it but I laid back and was thinking... "do you even know who you are talking to?" When I first told him I thought I could trust him.. but after him saying that I didn't feel all that comfortable.

Then there's a friend thought I could never trust with my sexual abuse and other abuse in general. He is really sympathetic and supportive. Hell... I think I told him my life story. I feel really comfortable with him despite our past. I'm lucky to have him as a friend again.

[TishaBuv]

It made me feel worse to get NO reaction from people I told. Who the heck wouldn’t even react at all? No compassion?

And now with the Me Too thing...

[Erti]

^^^^^^Maybe they are shocked and don't know what to say. Maybe they do not know what to say.

I tried to tell an ex-boyfriend about very personal issues but since he was a terrible boyfriend by the time I chose to tell him, his non-reaction didn't surprise me.

But, when I've chosen to disclose my personal issues with friends, whom I thought I could trust, I quickly learned that they were more fair-weather than true-blue, because they suddenly were too busy to maintain the friendship anymore.

Like when my dad died. All the friends I told literally abandoned me. Literally. Wouldn't even return my phone calls. I couldn't believe it. Who does that to someone who just lost their parent?

People are only really interested in themselves. They will tell you what they think you want to hear, "I'm here for you. You can tell me anything and I won't judge you." But that's not true at all, at least from my experience.

I have yet to meet someone who follows through on their promise of showing me empathy, compassion, and understanding.

Of course, I tell my cat everything because I trust my cat.

[nicoleflynn]

I have shared my story many times; the responses arethe way they should b e...sympathetic, empathic, compassionate and understanding...... and we discussed it; many times I have found the person I am telling experienced abuse also....it is everywhere.....it is important to share with people you perceive to be "safe."

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by Unhinged88

Have you ever told anyone about your abuse and they reacted negatively? Maybe they stopped talking to you all together or perhaps you noticed a shift in the relationship dynamic?

Hell yes. I went somewhere on the internet once were people, looking for support talk about their problems and talked about some abuse I suffered in my younger days and one person showed me some support. Everyone else just ignored me. I poured my heart out and got little back in return. Even some whom I expected to speak up had nothing to say. Why should they? I'm just a weirdo anyway, right?

Originally Posted by Unhinged88

Have you ever told anyone who you thought wouldn't understand but instead they ended up being supportive?

No.