[sujunew]

I'm feeling really stupid.
After working all year on trying to figure out what my memory blank might be, and consulting a couple of psychics in the process out of desperation I finally managed to blank it all out again and move to dealing with the 'here and now'. Then came November 1st, the realisation that my original trigger occured over a year ago, and the realisation that I do NOT want to go into the new year no further foward and with no resolution of any kind. So I consulted with a psychic who has nearly 500 reviews, every single one with 5 *s (the top rating), gave him no info except that I needed to know the truth of whether anything happened when I was 6 (literally that, I left it as ambiguous as I could) and EVERYTHING he said including hitting on exactly what I was referring to, who it was etc was 98% accurate. I thought I would be totally relieved so that I could finally deal with it whatever the truth, but of course since I blanked it all out it has started to bring it all back up again. The worst part is that I am going away for at least 2 weeks, then it will be christmas, then new year- all this means limited contact with my t. I was so stupid to bring it up again right now. I have finally got the truth that I have been seeking all year, so I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted in that way. It is just that now I am going to have to deal with it on my own in the most stressful of situations- around the corner from where it happened, 1000km from my supports (t and nurse) and while 7yo is in hospital and I am dealing with both girls in Ronald McDonald House on my own... And I can't rewind and change it- it has been done..I just can't get over how stupid I was...

very safe hugs...

I am so sorry... and you aren't "stupid"... your great need to know just over took you.. and overwhelmed you so that you caved.. we just sometimes don't have control over that great need to know..

I will be keeping you in my thoughts.. sending you healing.. and strength.. and peace...