I recently had a new nephew born and I have realized that I am absolutely terrified of him. Not of him necessarily but of interacting with him. I was asked to change his diaper and, while I did that, I felt dirty and disgusted with myself the whole time...all I could think about was the CSA I had experienced as a child and it scared the hell out of me.

Please someone tell me that I am not alone in this feeling. I want to bring it up to my T but I am so scared that she will think I'm disgusting too. I love kids and would like some of my own some day but if this is how I'm going to feel when I parent them, well, I don't see how I could ever survive it.

[Erti]

It's normal for those who suffer CSA. I was sexually abused and rape as a child and I hate changing diapers because in a way because it triggers a deep sadness and triggers memories from when I was abuse. You're not alone.

[Rive1976]

I think thats very normal but i can understand why you might feel that way changing diapers. I did.

[shezbut]

I was always very uncomfortable with children, myself. Particularly when there's some intimacy. Just thinking about it now freaks the hell out of me!! It always has. I don't understand *why*. I freaking hate it ~ no doubt about that!!

But, yes, I am extremely uncomfortable in those situations. I simply do my best to ignore it.

Shez