[Rive1976]

So if an abuser abuses out of anxiousness. Just uncontrable urges since childhood. No sexual gratification. No power seeking etc What would be the purpose?

[Amyjay]

Sounds like the purpose would be to reduce anxiety.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Sounds like the purpose would be to reduce anxiety.

Yes but why would abusing be a way to reduce anxiety.

[mogwai]

That's still abuse. It's always about gaining a sense of power and control, whether they're consciously aware of it or not.

Doesn't really make sense to abuse someone out of anxiousness, so I'm guessing that's simply a lie to avoid responsibility for being an abuser.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by mogwai

That's still abuse. It's always about gaining a sense of power and control, whether they're consciously aware of it or not.

Doesn't really make sense to abuse someone out of anxiousness, so I'm guessing that's simply a lie to avoid responsibility for being an abuser.

No I agree abuse is abuse. This abuser is in my family. He is my cousin. He owned what he did but he said it was a urge he fought an anxious urge. Not wanting to do it (anxious) but felt compelled despite his anxiousness. He said he felt that way as a child and it never went away. He went to jail and his kids were taken away but he is out now making more kids. Anyway, he doesn't have a history of trauma so I dont understand where this anxious urge from childhood comes from.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Dnester

Yes but why would abusing be a way to reduce anxiety.

Why would sex be a way to reduce anxiety? Why would masturbation be a way to reduce anxiety? Why would self harm be a way to reduce anxiety? Why would bingeing and purging be a way to reduce anxiety?
There are a ton of different harmful behaviors that reduce anxiety. I don't know why it is.
When you write "why does an abuser abuse out of anxiousness" the logical answer is "to reduce his anxiety". He has a feeling and he responds to it - with no thought to anyone or anything else except his own immediate feelings.
Why he is anxious and why he ignores the legal and moral implications of his actions are different questions entirely. The human drive to reduce or avoid negative feelings is a powerful one.

Anxiety is not a legitimate excuse for abuse, as there is no excuse for abuse.

However, it can contribute to heightening the abuser's emotions. For example, say someone has an anxiety about you leaving him. He would react by becoming more controlling or threatening.

Or he may have a general fear of abandonment, or be paranoid about people because he can't trust anyone. There may be some events that trigger his emotions, which he may not have the skills to regulate.

Again, I am not excusing him for his behavior; just trying to figure out some possibilities.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Why would sex be a way to reduce anxiety? Why would masturbation be a way to reduce anxiety? Why would self harm be a way to reduce anxiety? Why would bingeing and purging be a way to reduce anxiety?
There are a ton of different harmful behaviors that reduce anxiety. I don't know why it is.
When you write "why does an abuser abuse out of anxiousness" the logical answer is "to reduce his anxiety". He has a feeling and he responds to it - with no thought to anyone or anything else except his own immediate feelings.
Why he is anxious and why he ignores the legal and moral implications of his actions are different questions entirely. The human drive to reduce or avoid negative feelings is a powerful one.

I am more curious how sex and anxiety get mixed together.