Cutting contact

I'm struggling with truly cutting contact with my ex. We have children together which obviously complicates things.. but I end up letting him join in family activities due to guilt. He requests that we still do things as a family and that a civilized partnership is what will help the kids. Which I agree with.. the weekends he chooses to have the kids he always manages to join me. Whether he show up in the morning and ask me to join for a walk with them or whatever it may be that day.

This weekend I requested that he not do that. He got very upset with me, ended up saying that I was ruining this family and I need to fix things with him for our family. He then implied in various ways that he was going to cut off support for the kids and try to make my life difficult.

I'm just so tired of these games. He may not be physically abusive anymore and have the control he once did, but he still manages to play with my guilt. He text me this morning and apologized, said he is just upset that I no longer want to be with him. Then asked if he could see us all as a family today!?!? Ugh.

I just need reassurance that I am doing the right things. I feel heartless at times for doing this to him. It's upsetting to think that I may be overreacting and ruining our family the way he says.

Any input would be amazing.

It sounds to me that you are trying to navigate a minefield without the proper equipment. Are you seeing a therapist? They can help you learn to handle dealing with your ex.

When I was struggling with dealing with difficult people, I had to learn assertiveness plus how to set boundaries. You need to learn new skills to manage this. Does any of this sound like it is helpful to you?

Thank you. I have worked with a domestic violence specialist for the past year, our funding runs out after a year so it's done now. I would like to continue in the abuse survivors group, but it's so hard to find a sitter for my children at the time it's held. I have no support around me so I find it nice to get opinions here.. therapy is costly here too and I already struggle!!

It's just hard. I feel like giving in and allowing him back in my life. I have done this in the past and then I'm unhappy when he is around. It's such a horrible struggle.

Click on the link to Forums at Psych Central. Then scroll down to treatments and self-care link. Under that you will find information on being assertive, and more that I hope will help you. And you probably know you can google any topic and find info. There is a lot on this website, Psych Central plus in Psychology Today has a wealth of info also.

I really hope this helps you!