[rakenty]

Hello,
I am sorry if this seems superfluous and if this is posted in the wrong thread, but I need to know since it's been bugging me for a while.
My mother does a lot for my family. She is one of the main reasons why I came to the U.S. She has a natural drive that pushes our family forward. However, some incidents have happened lately that make me rethink about her actions.
I can remember multiple incidents in my childhood in which she did use an object to hit me, but it was on the hands with a ruler for example, never the type to beat me with a stick. However, she did threaten me some times to beat me with a stick, and one distinct time to beat me with a stick that was as thick as a bat, and also threatened to kill me with my father. My father recently apologized for that memory, saying he was merely repeating what my mother was stating to highlight how absurd my mother's comment was. My mother supposedly did all of this for my grades, as she is one of those tiger moms, but even with that intention in mind I remember being scared to death of getting anything less than an A-, because it wasn't good enough. I remember another time when she violently threw all the items I had on my desk on the floor.
I feel like somehow, through outside persuasion (I confided in a friend who then told her mother who then called my mother) my mother diminshed her attitude, but I feel like it's always remained. Ever since we moved to the U.S. she has been taking in a lot of stress from her boss and she lets it all out on my father and me in the form of verbal insults and screams. This, in turn, makes me angry and with no other choice than to try to release the stress through some other activity. It is the same for my father, who is practically living separately from my mother. Recently I got angry at her because I was eating (felt really hungry because I hadn't eaten much all day) and felt as if she insinuated that I was fat because I was eating too much in her opinion. I threw the pizza slice onto her plate (which I admit was very childish) but she then proceeded to swing the pizza slice with full force at my chest, as if trying to kill me. I felt genuinely afraid for my life and shocked. I asked her if she would kill me and she said yes. She may have said that because she was too heated but I feel like my father and I are constantly scared of her because we feel like she could really beat us. Since she usually does the cooking, she uses it as a leverage for guilt tripping us. I want to be more independent and get out of the apartment we are currently living in, but feel like it is too rash and also since I rely on her income somewhat, I cannot buy grocery items without being scrutinized. However, I feel like if I stay anymore in the apartment, I will act out on repressed anger. Does my mother have some abusive traits or am I being oversensitive and this is normal?

[Skeezyks]

Hello rakenty: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm not a mental health professional. So all I can offer you is my personal opinion with regard to what you wrote. But my personal opinion is that most definitely you, & perhaps your father as well, are being abused verbally, emotionally & physically too it sounds like. Is this normal? I guess I don't know the answer to that. My instinct would be to say no it is not. (At least I hope it's not.) You're certainly not being over sensitive.

You mentioned wanting to move out of the apartment you & your parents share. Under the circumstances, that may well be a good goal to work toward. You may, when you can, also want to consider seeking the services of a counselor or therapist with who you can process the experiences you have had.

Here are links to a selection of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of help to you in understanding the conditions under which you are living & how to manage them as effectively as possible. This looks like a lot of reading! But the articles are short. So it's not as much as it may appear:

15 Signs You Have Toxic Parents | Happily Imperfect

How to Deal with Difficult Family Members

Can You Step Back From A Hurtful Family Relationship? | Family Mental Health

More Thoughts on Hurtful Family Relationships | Family Mental Health

How to Switch Off an Angry Person

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/unsha...-toxic-people/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-imp...al-boundaries/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-ar...do-i-get-some/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...ficult-people/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-insi...relationships/

My best wishes to you...

I agree it would be a good idea to move out on your own. It doesn’t sound like your mother is managing her stress and emotions well at all. It does sound like abuse to me.