[gracebuttercup]

Hi
I have been a member for a while. But I rarely post here. On Sunday there was something I kept hearing and seeing in the news. About a woman who was sexually abused decades ago. It triggered pain around rape when I was young. I forgot it for decades. But in recent years I remembered.

I never dealt with it. Mainly because I was not really sure I needed to. But on Sunday I felt triggered. Still do. my screaming a lot finally stopped the monster from doing it a second time. But it took a lot of screaming. And a lot of luck.

Anyway, it was only once. Which I know is miniscule compared to what many others have been through. I just wanted to tell someone. So I came here to post. I have no one irl whom I can tell. Friends want and need me to be strong and steady. So that's the part of me I show them.

Thanks for listening

[nicoleflynn]

People say those things because it makes THEM feel better. They don't know what you need. What happened to you was not miniscule..it affected your whole life,and was horrifically traumatizing..perhaps you would consider therapy? I have heard good things about RAINN.

[Stellata]

I hear you.

[gracebuttercup]

Nichole and Stellata Thank you for your replies. Much appreciated

[Albatross2008]

The trouble with being strong and steady for others is that you can't pour from an empty cup. Every now and then you need to take the time and refill, by nurturing yourself and taking care of your own needs. If one person can't handle your story, for whatever reason, then tell someone who can. Which is what you did here.

I'm sorry you had this scare. Even if you did end up escaping it, the fear of what could have happened stays with you. It doesn't matter if somebody else had something worse happen. This is what happened to you, and it's traumatic, and it too needs to be dealt with, not ignored because other people have it worse.

To draw a parallel, several weeks ago I dropped a 35-pound bucket of cat litter on my foot, and broke a toe. It isn't healing as well as it could. Being diabetic slows the process down. It was an open fracture, and I had to have antibiotics when the wound started getting infected. At least the broken skin is healed now, but the broken bone isn't quite.

Meanwhile, a good friend of mine was in a serious motorcycle accident and suffered several broken bones. I mentioned that I felt silly worrying about a broken toe when he had a whole lot more broken than that. He himself told me that just because his injuries are worse doesn't mean my toe should be ignored. It too needs time to heal, and I should care for myself properly while that's happening.

Point being, it's not a contest. All injuries, physical and emotional, need attention and should not be minimized.

What happened to you wasn't minisule, IMHO. One time is too many times. I too have been triggered by the news lately. Making it worse by field is politics. Haven't been able to just ignore the news. One world wide story is so close to home that need to see my T twice a week. Want the world to just shut up! What happened to you shouldn't have happened. No comparisons. Not sure if I'm trying to convince you of myself! Think I needed to remind myself as well. Please post more often and hang in there.

[Amyjay]

Gracebuttercup, rape is rape. You experienced a severe trauma and it will absolutely have impacted you. There may be plenty of times you are able to keep the effects of that trauma at bay, but the effects will be there (as you are discovering with the recent trigger - most people seem to find ways to manage the effects of trauma until particular triggering events come up in life) and there are things out there that can help you with that. EMDR is a relatively quick and successful treatment for single event trauma. But it isn't the only treatment out there.

You have choices and options, whatever work best for you. You can let it lie and manage it as best you can (that works just fine for some people) or you can seek treatment that will help with that. But you hush now on comparing your trauma to others that may "have had it worse"! Trauma is trauma, rape is rape. It damages, it scars and it hurts. It is perfectly okay and just and right to begin to heal yourself from that harm that was caused to you.

[Open Eyes]

I have a strong idea of what news story you are talking about. It has bothered me in more than one way. I myself experienced someone trying to take advantage of me, so I know how that feels, YET, on the other hand I also know what it feels like to be falsely accused of something I never did and to also see someone I care about be falsely accused of something he never did as well and how the news decided to write about it simply because it made for an interesting story and it was not fair to this person who NEVER did what he was accused of doing.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by gracebuttercup

Hi
I have been a member for a while. But I rarely post here. On Sunday there was something I kept hearing and seeing in the news. About a woman who was sexually abused decades ago. It triggered pain around rape when I was young. I forgot it for decades. But in recent years I remembered.

I never dealt with it. Mainly because I was not really sure I needed to. But on Sunday I felt triggered. Still do. my screaming a lot finally stopped the monster from doing it a second time. But it took a lot of screaming. And a lot of luck.

Anyway, it was only once. Which I know is miniscule compared to what many others have been through. I just wanted to tell someone. So I came here to post. I have no one irl whom I can tell. Friends want and need me to be strong and steady. So that's the part of me I show them.

Thanks for listening

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. I am finding myself bother by something that as happen years ago.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

People say those things because it makes THEM feel better. They don't know what you need. What happened to you was not miniscule..it affected your whole life,and was horrifically traumatizing..perhaps you would consider therapy? I have heard good things about RAINN.

I completely agree with you!

[gracebuttercup]

Originally Posted by Arbie

The trouble with being strong and steady for others is that you can't pour from an empty cup. Every now and then you need to take the time and refill, by nurturing yourself and taking care of your own needs. If one person can't handle your story, for whatever reason, then tell someone who can. Which is what you did here.

I'm sorry you had this scare. Even if you did end up escaping it, the fear of what could have happened stays with you. It doesn't matter if somebody else had something worse happen. This is what happened to you, and it's traumatic, and it too needs to be dealt with, not ignored because other people have it worse.

To draw a parallel, several weeks ago I dropped a 35-pound bucket of cat litter on my foot, and broke a toe. It isn't healing as well as it could. Being diabetic slows the process down. It was an open fracture, and I had to have antibiotics when the wound started getting infected. At least the broken skin is healed now, but the broken bone isn't quite.

Meanwhile, a good friend of mine was in a serious motorcycle accident and suffered several broken bones. I mentioned that I felt silly worrying about a broken toe when he had a whole lot more broken than that. He himself told me that just because his injuries are worse doesn't mean my toe should be ignored. It too needs time to heal, and I should care for myself properly while that's happening.

Point being, it's not a contest. All injuries, physical and emotional, need attention and should not be minimized.

Hi arbie thanks for your reply. Sorry that you broke a toe. Your friend who injured himself on a motorcycle is very wise for what he said. Thank you for your wisdom as well. I guess in my original post I was not clear enough. Actually, I did not escape the worst of it. I didn't get away during the first round. When it was over, I was able to stop round 2 by screaming at the top of my lungs. I won't go into more details. But eventually it was over. Still I blame myself and think I am blowing it way out of proportion. Thank you again for your response.

[gracebuttercup]

Originally Posted by cavaliers

What happened to you wasn't minisule, IMHO. One time is too many times. I too have been triggered by the news lately. Making it worse by field is politics. Haven't been able to just ignore the news. One world wide story is so close to home that need to see my T twice a week. Want the world to just shut up! What happened to you shouldn't have happened. No comparisons. Not sure if I'm trying to convince you of myself! Think I needed to remind myself as well. Please post more often and hang in there.

Sigh, sorry you too are being triggered. Although I would be surprised if tens of thousands of people were not being triggered by this. It's really difficult. I read some cruel responses on twitter. Not to my posts. I am very careful. Not talking, just supporting. I hope you find more healing through working working with your T, on what has come up.

[gracebuttercup]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Gracebuttercup, rape is rape. You experienced a severe trauma and it will absolutely have impacted you. There may be plenty of times you are able to keep the effects of that trauma at bay, but the effects will be there (as you are discovering with the recent trigger - most people seem to find ways to manage the effects of trauma until particular triggering events come up in life) and there are things out there that can help you with that. EMDR is a relatively quick and successful treatment for single event trauma. But it isn't the only treatment out there.

You have choices and options, whatever work best for you. You can let it lie and manage it as best you can (that works just fine for some people) or you can seek treatment that will help with that. But you hush now on comparing your trauma to others that may "have had it worse"! Trauma is trauma, rape is rape. It damages, it scars and it hurts. It is perfectly okay and just and right to begin to heal yourself from that harm that was caused to you.

Thanks Amyjay. Your words brought tears to my eyes. EMDR. Maybe that's a good way to go. Seems the pain of this is not going back in hiding. No one irl to talk to about it. Just cry a lot. Anxiety high right now. Thanks again

[gracebuttercup]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I have a strong idea of what news story you are talking about. It has bothered me in more than one way. I myself experienced someone trying to take advantage of me, so I know how that feels, YET, on the other hand I also know what it feels like to be falsely accused of something I never did and to also see someone I care about be falsely accused of something he never did as well and how the news decided to write about it simply because it made for an interesting story and it was not fair to this person who NEVER did what he was accused of doing.

Open eyes. Sending you good thoughts to get through this time. That must have been horrible for your friend to be accused when he was innocent. And yes, this is the real reason I cannot talk irl. I don't want to be an accuser. Never ever.

[gracebuttercup]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. I am finding myself bother by something that as happen years ago.

I hope you find the good help support all people deserve to get through old stuff coming up

[gracebuttercup]

Wishing you all the best. Thanks for your words.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by cavaliers

What happened to you wasn't minisule, IMHO. One time is too many times. I too have been triggered by the news lately. Making it worse by field is politics. Haven't been able to just ignore the news. One world wide story is so close to home that need to see my T twice a week. Want the world to just shut up! What happened to you shouldn't have happened. No comparisons. Not sure if I'm trying to convince you of myself! Think I needed to remind myself as well. Please post more often and hang in there.

I agree!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Gracebuttercup, rape is rape. You experienced a severe trauma and it will absolutely have impacted you. There may be plenty of times you are able to keep the effects of that trauma at bay, but the effects will be there (as you are discovering with the recent trigger - most people seem to find ways to manage the effects of trauma until particular triggering events come up in life) and there are things out there that can help you with that. EMDR is a relatively quick and successful treatment for single event trauma. But it isn't the only treatment out there.

You have choices and options, whatever work best for you. You can let it lie and manage it as best you can (that works just fine for some people) or you can seek treatment that will help with that. But you hush now on comparing your trauma to others that may "have had it worse"! Trauma is trauma, rape is rape. It damages, it scars and it hurts. It is perfectly okay and just and right to begin to heal yourself from that harm that was caused to you.

I completely agree with you!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I have a strong idea of what news story you are talking about. It has bothered me in more than one way. I myself experienced someone trying to take advantage of me, so I know how that feels, YET, on the other hand I also know what it feels like to be falsely accused of something I never did and to also see someone I care about be falsely accused of something he never did as well and how the news decided to write about it simply because it made for an interesting story and it was not fair to this person who NEVER did what he was accused of doing.

I completely agree this is what happens to my parents!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by gracebuttercup

Sigh, sorry you too are being triggered. Although I would be surprised if tens of thousands of people were not being triggered by this. It's really difficult. I read some cruel responses on twitter. Not to my posts. I am very careful. Not talking, just supporting. I hope you find more healing through working working with your T, on what has come up.

I agree!

[Lilfae]

Just wanted to say that I relate. The news these days trigger me too. Actually, ever since metoo started last year, and even some months before that as well, as there were a lot of these issues in the news here spring 2017 as well - well, I just can't watch the news. I turn newspapers utside down at work if they have sa related headlines.

And like many already said; Your experience was not miniscule, it was serious, and I'm thinking the only reason you feel otherwise, is that we're conditioned to just brush it off as a misunderstanding, a bad sex experience, boys will be boys and all that. While in reality, in my opinion, it's one of the worst things someone can do to another person. Your experiences matter, your pain matters, YOU matter! Take care