[Miravi]

[ ] Hello everyone, so today i wanted to talk about something really bothering me. I recently found out my sister and i were being abused by our parents our whole lives. But what i realised also is that i have been abusing my sister also. I am very controlling and it always has to be my way. I called my sister names and made sure she is always beneath me and i'm the superior one. I wanted everything for myself. One time i had an imoprtant test and was struggling to sleep because of my depression and anxiety and she came and turned on the light in our room and woke me up and i couldn't get back to sleep. I was very suicidal at that point and i had a breakdown telling her that she didn't consider my situation because she usually doesn't care about us if we slept or not so she ended leaving the room for me and sleeping in the living room. At that time i thought she hurt me so it was ot my fault that she left but now i think that since i abused her she had the right to treat me like that. I critisize her outfit choices and tell her she is not smart and she is immature. My parents used to do that to her. Making her feel like she is good for nothing and i was never held accountable for what i did, it was always her fault. And i did the same thing to her. When i was 13 she used to always tell me that i have no morals and ethics and that i am a very bad kid. It looks like bullying but i dont think she bullied me because i was controlling and abusive so she has the right to say that because of how i made her feel. My mother also critisizes her and i join in with her. I was doing to her what my parents did but i added the control and the bossiness. I have been bossy since i was a child but they never corrected me. I tried to be controlling of the whole family to survive and protect myself from my parents' abuse but i had no right to abuse my sister and control what she does. I was the one who made her realise that she was abused by them and she loves me and thinks that i am her saviour but i dont know anymore. Maybe i helped her and pointed out our abusive parents to get the blame off of myself even though i never realised i was abused or abusive but i did know i was controlling. Because im exactly like them. It is lioe when you point out other people's flaws to hide your own. I thought i was helping her for her but now i think i pointed out the abuse because i am an abuser too instead of pointing out my abuse. I relaised i was abusive three days ago and i apologised many times but i can't believe what i hate my parents for is actually in me. I always played the role of the self righteous one. I think i created all these to appear like the family hero. Now instead of dealing and healing of how badly my parents abused me, i can't sympathize with myself because i am an abuser. My parents us, i abused my sister to feel safe and in control. But she didn't deserve it. It is not her fault. I was thinking that my sister and i abused each other because of some of the things she did to me but i think it is just a reaction to my abuse, so I am the one to blame because i did it often and it is always about me so i made her do that because of my abuse to her. I can't believe i did ot and that i am the same as my parents. My mother used to be bad to my sister then use me to justify her behaviour telling my sister that she'my mother' has a good relationship with me so my sister must be the problem. Maybe that reinforced my abuse to my sister to justify my mother's claims because i didn't want to believe that my mother is a bad person. I thought my sister was the one stopping us from being happy which is exactly what my parents thought so i used to speak to her like they do but still i should have known better. I did that up until i realised it now and I'm 23 so i get no pass. I didn't realise i was abusive until i realised and understood my parents' abuse. Am i just like my parents? Should i hate myself? Do i deserve to heal from the abuse? My sister told me that most of her anxiety stems from me and that is because she doesn't like fighting with me and not talking to me but i think that it is because i am abusive and she hasn't realised it yet. I told my mother how can you live with yourself k owing you destroyed another person's life yet here i am, destroyed my sister's life and gave her anxiety. I read about sibling abuse. It has major effects. I can't believe myself. I apologised but she doesn't think i abused her, she thinks it is normal between sisters but i know it is not. Help!!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Miravi

[ ] Hello everyone, so today i wanted to talk about something really bothering me. I recently found out my sister and i were being abused by our parents our whole lives. But what i realised also is that i have been abusing my sister also. I am very controlling and it always has to be my way. I called my sister names and made sure she is always beneath me and i'm the superior one. I wanted everything for myself. One time i had an imoprtant test and was struggling to sleep because of my depression and anxiety and she came and turned on the light in our room and woke me up and i couldn't get back to sleep. I was very suicidal at that point and i had a breakdown telling her that she didn't consider my situation because she usually doesn't care about us if we slept or not so she ended leaving the room for me and sleeping in the living room. At that time i thought she hurt me so it was ot my fault that she left but now i think that since i abused her she had the right to treat me like that. I critisize her outfit choices and tell her she is not smart and she is immature. My parents used to do that to her. Making her feel like she is good for nothing and i was never held accountable for what i did, it was always her fault. And i did the same thing to her. When i was 13 she used to always tell me that i have no morals and ethics and that i am a very bad kid. It looks like bullying but i dont think she bullied me because i was controlling and abusive so she has the right to say that because of how i made her feel. My mother also critisizes her and i join in with her. I was doing to her what my parents did but i added the control and the bossiness. I have been bossy since i was a child but they never corrected me. I tried to be controlling of the whole family to survive and protect myself from my parents' abuse but i had no right to abuse my sister and control what she does. I was the one who made her realise that she was abused by them and she loves me and thinks that i am her saviour but i dont know anymore. Maybe i helped her and pointed out our abusive parents to get the blame off of myself even though i never realised i was abused or abusive but i did know i was controlling. Because im exactly like them. It is lioe when you point out other people's flaws to hide your own. I thought i was helping her for her but now i think i pointed out the abuse because i am an abuser too instead of pointing out my abuse. I relaised i was abusive three days ago and i apologised many times but i can't believe what i hate my parents for is actually in me. I always played the role of the self righteous one. I think i created all these to appear like the family hero. Now instead of dealing and healing of how badly my parents abused me, i can't sympathize with myself because i am an abuser. My parents us, i abused my sister to feel safe and in control. But she didn't deserve it. It is not her fault. I was thinking that my sister and i abused each other because of some of the things she did to me but i think it is just a reaction to my abuse, so I am the one to blame because i did it often and it is always about me so i made her do that because of my abuse to her. I can't believe i did ot and that i am the same as my parents. My mother used to be bad to my sister then use me to justify her behaviour telling my sister that she'my mother' has a good relationship with me so my sister must be the problem. Maybe that reinforced my abuse to my sister to justify my mother's claims because i didn't want to believe that my mother is a bad person. I thought my sister was the one stopping us from being happy which is exactly what my parents thought so i used to speak to her like they do but still i should have known better. I did that up until i realised it now and I'm 23 so i get no pass. I didn't realise i was abusive until i realised and understood my parents' abuse. Am i just like my parents? Should i hate myself? Do i deserve to heal from the abuse? My sister told me that most of her anxiety stems from me and that is because she doesn't like fighting with me and not talking to me but i think that it is because i am abusive and she hasn't realised it yet. I told my mother how can you live with yourself k owing you destroyed another person's life yet here i am, destroyed my sister's life and gave her anxiety. I read about sibling abuse. It has major effects. I can't believe myself. I apologised but she doesn't think i abused her, she thinks it is normal between sisters but i know it is not. Help!!

Admitted is the first step! Second see if you can get some kind of therapy help!

[keepontrucking]

Originally Posted by Miravi

[ ] Hello everyone, so today I wanted to talk about something really bothering me. I recently found out my sister and I was being abused by our parents our whole lives. But what I realized also is that I have been abusing my sister also. I am very controlling and it always has to be my way. I called my sister names and made sure she is always beneath me and I'm the superior one. I wanted everything for myself.

One time I had an important test and was struggling to sleep because of my depression and anxiety and she came and turned on the light in our room and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was very suicidal at that point and I had a breakdown telling her that she didn't consider my situation because she usually doesn't care about us if we slept or not so she ended leaving the room for me and sleeping in the living room.

At that time I thought she hurt me so it was not my fault that she left but now I think that since I abused her she had the right to treat me like that. I criticize her outfit choices and tell her she is not smart and she is immature. My parents used to do that to her. Making her feel like she is good for nothing and I was never held accountable for what I did, it was always her fault. And I did the same thing to her.

When I was 13 she used to always tell me that I have no morals and ethics and that I am a very bad kid. It looks like bullying but I don't think she bullied me because I was controlling and abusive so she has the right to say that because of how I made her feel.

My mother also criticizes her and I join in with her. I was doing to her what my parents did but I added the control and the bossiness. I have been bossy since I was a child but they never corrected me. I tried to be controlling of the whole family to survive and protect myself from my parents' abuse but I had no right to abuse my sister and control what she does.

I was the one who made her realize that she was abused by them and she loves me and thinks that I am her savior but I don't know anymore. Maybe I helped her and pointed out our abusive parents to get the blame off of myself even though I never realized I was abused or abusive but I did know I was controlling. Because I'm exactly like them. It is a lie when you point out other people's flaws to hide your own. I thought I was helping her for her but now I think I pointed out the abuse because I am an abuser too instead of pointing out my abuse.

I realized I was abusive three days ago and I apologized many times but I can't believe what I hate my parents for is actually in me. I always played the role of the self-righteous one. I think I created all these to appear like the family hero. Now instead of dealing and healing of how badly my parents abused me, I can't sympathize with myself because I am an abuser.

My parents us, I abused my sister to feel safe and in control. But she didn't deserve it. It is not her fault. I was thinking that my sister and I abused each other because of some of the things she did to me but I think it is just a reaction to my abuse, so I am the one to blame because I did it often and it is always about me so I made her do that because of my abuse to her.

I can't believe I did not and that I am the same as my parents. My mother used to be bad to my sister then use me to justify her behavior telling my sister that she "my mother" has a good relationship with me so my sister must be the problem.

Maybe that reinforced my abuse to my sister to justify my mother's claims because I didn't want to believe that my mother is a bad person. I thought my sister was the one stopping us from being happy which is exactly what my parents thought so I used to speak to her like they do but still I should have known better.

I did that up until I realized it now and I'm 23 so I get no pass. I didn't realize I was abusive until I realized and understood my parents' abuse. Am I just like my parents? Should I hate myself? Do I deserve to heal from the abuse?

My sister told me that most of her anxiety stems from me and that is because she doesn't like fighting with me and not talking to me but I think that it is because I am abusive and she hasn't realized it yet.

I told my mother how can you live with yourself knowing you destroyed another person's life yet here I am, destroyed my sister's life and giving her anxiety. I read about sibling abuse. It has major effects. I can't believe myself. I apologized but she doesn't think I abused her, she thinks it is normal between sisters but I know it is not. Help!!

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The first Step is to admit and apologize for the mistakes You made to Your Sister.

Then You have to Forgive Yourself. You have to try hard to NOT argue with Your Sister. You have to get RID of the attitude that You are always right. In MANY instances NO ONE IS RIGHT OR WRONG. You have to accept Your Sister for What She is Not what everyone says she used to be or is NOT what they want her to be.

It would be good If You could start working on the abuse issues together, each telling their side of the story. Unprofessionally, I would consider that YOU were the "Golden Child" in the Family and She was the "Scapegoat" To work on these issues there must be trust formed between you and her. You will not develop trust If you run back to YOUR parents and report everything Your Sister and You are Discussing.

Don't blame Yourself for "being just like Your Parents" that is common. Personally, it is TRAITS You need to work on for yourself to make YOU a better person. I personally took the worst things My parents did and turned the Table around and made sure I didn't do that to others and especially to My children. Only then will the cycle of emotional abuse be broken.