#WhyIDidntReport

I had a lot of experience in that myself!

Good advice, thanks ...

I reported and no one would help anyway.

I was 3, I was 5 , I was 10, I was 18. I was all the ages in between.

I did report. I was told to shut up.
I did report. I was told I was lying.
I did report. I was told I would it would kill my mother, kill my father, destroy my family.
I did report. I was taken away from my home, blamed for the destruction.
I did report. I was told I was crazy, threatened with being locked up.
I did report. The social workers didn't believe me. The therapist didn't believe me.
I did report. I was branded a liar, a home breaker, disturbed, crazy.
I did report. I was returned to the abusers care by the state anyway.

I stopped reporting.

Do you know what NOBODY did?
Nobody cared.
Nobody believed.
Nobody comforted.
Nobody reassured.
Nobody listened.
Nobody protected.

One was an authorities son. I knew I wouldn't be believed.
One was a Social workers son. I didn't want to rake Myself over the coals
I knew it would be he says she says case in court

I second that!

Because I didn't understand what was happening, what to call it
Because I was ashamed
Because I thought it was my fault
Because I felt mean for not wanting him, and like I had deceived him
Because I thought I was supposed to like it
Because I would have to admit it to myself, and loose whatever self respect I had
Because I was this tough kid, and if anyone in school found out, I would be free game
Because I didn't know it was illegal

I've reported him now, though, 19 years later. Nothing will ever happen to him, but at least my story will forever be in the police files, as will his name.

I am so sorry. Your words hit me right in my heart, as they should. I wish I had words for that kid who was so profoundly betrayed by the adults

Hey, thanks for saying that, I appreciate it. My T keeps saying my abuse was "extreme", but that just doesn't compute for me somehow. When I wrote out my response here the other day it did strike me as - quite a lot - to see it written down like that. Perhaps I am beginning to question that maybe my situation WAS a little more than usual, or was particularly... unfortunate.

I think I am just trying to mull all of this over. I only ever see one little part of the abuse at a time. But put together it does seem to be quite a lot.

Because he was my Dad and I was 3, so I must have been confused or mis-remembered.

Because my Mom, the enabler, said she was 'always watching', except that later she told me that she was too depressed to watch and that she often was asleep and that she didn't really know.

Because I tried to really believe that Dad walking in on me in the bathrooms so much was really a mistake or an accident.

Because I was a child and told not to speak out.

Because saying anything against my parents as a child was un-Christian.

Because saying anything against a male as a woman was un-Christian.

Because he was 'just trying to comfort me from a panic attack'.

Because I didn't feel like I was worth it anyways.

Because I was scared of wrongfully accusing someone, and I didn't really understand proper boundaries thanks to my childhood.

Because my Mom told me that going into 'the system' would get me and my siblings beaten, raped, and worse - worse than how things were already in my house apparently.

Because my teachers told me how much I could say before they would make a formal record.

Because I was scared of being 'that girl' all over again; I had already been 'that weird sad girl' when my brother died and it felt like being alone on an island.

Because I wanted to be normal.

Because I had good grades and did well in school, so it must not be affecting me, right?

Because a social worker touched my privates when I had told her no, so clearly this was okay.

Because I didn't matter to my parents, to the church (that I found out knew about my abuse), or to other adults that heard me.

Because as long as I went to school and didn't do anything wrong, I was 'fine'.

Because I didn't want to hurt my sister.

Because I would hurt my brother's chances at being a good Christian pastor, according to my family.

These are some of my reasons, at least the ones that I could think of and type without feeling too nauseous.

Great advice!

I second that!

I believe you. Those who had cried wolf? Had end up being believe and being help.

I believe you!

Because I didn't want to believe I was assaulted twice, by two separate people, on the same day.

Because I never should've let a stranger drive me home
Because even though I said "I don't want anything sexual," I let him keep flirting
Because when he [ trigger ]stopped the car next to an empty field and stuck his fingers inside me[ /trigger ], I froze up instead of fighting him off
Because I was wearing lacy lingerie, so I must've wanted it
Because [ trigger ]he made me come[ /trigger ], and he knew it
Because I eventually consented to [ trigger ]give him head[ /trigger ] out of fear he would hurt me if I didn't (though he pushed me further anyway)
Because I thought "it was more coercive than nonconsensual"
Because I didn't want to have to explain the rest of my recent sex life to the police
Because by the time I realized I had been violated and wasn't just freaking out about nothing, I had already blocked his messages and forgotten his name

Because he was supposed to be my friend
Because we had already been kissing
Because I wasn't sure that "I'm not comfortable with you [doing the specific thing he started doing two seconds later]" was an explicit enough no
Because how was I the victim [ trigger ]if he went down on me[ /trigger ]?
Because once I realized it was assault, it was two weeks before he was supposed to leave for Europe
Because he was really popular in my college dance scene and I thought the organizers wouldn't believe me and everyone would hate me
Because I didn't want to "ruin his life"
Because my own mother told me that letting him into my room was implicit consent

I believe you! That was wrong of your mother to say. You matter. You deserve to be comfortable. If letting strangers into your room was implicit consent, many more people could have had sex with me... I hope you recover. You deserve to feel safe.

Because she was my wife and we were supposed to be trying for a baby.'
-that baby is now my amazing four year old daughter who lives with her mum

Because no one would believe me if I did, she was older and I was drunk and had been flirting with other girls that night.
Because she said that she could ruin me if I did anything that would hurt her.
Because she later tried to bribe me.

I believe all of you.

Because i thought it was normal
Because i was afraid of my Dad
Because i was afraid of other peoples reactions
bcause i thought i didnt deserve to live a happy life

Amjay i wanted to give you a hundred hugs. youre story really touched me

Because I was 5 and my grandma convinced my mom not to say anything.

Because he was a cop.
Because I received death threats from the group home for trying to report it.