[BDPpartner]

My partner has physical and mental health illnesses and I have ignored a lot because of that a good example would be something like..... I put a dirty cup in the sink instead of by the sink he hits the roof is angry as hell will start shouting at me telling me all the things that I do wrong and have ever done wrong in his opinion. He'll often start calling me names and insulting me and twists things to make me feel that he is my victim. Things can continue like this for several hours and at times I have literally been on the floor crying my eyes out with him stood over me continuing his angry ranting. He'll also wake me up to be able to shout at me, tells me to get out of his site or his house etc but has this way of twisting things so I have to apologize to him.

His latest is telling me I am controlling, have taken away his life skills and that I plot behind his back with my mother.

But I am beginning to see that I don't deserve to be treated this way

[keepontrucking]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

But I am beginning to see that I don't deserve to be treated this way

That is the beginning of the Light when You begin to see You don't deserve to be treated like this! I am assuming that You know that Your partner is BPD.

Have You studied BPD? What are the symptoms? My SO is uNPD and it helps me to study NPD symptoms and when he starts to rant then I go through the symptoms list and Say to Myself things like "He is raging to get control." "He is triangulating me with My mother" [/COLOR]

It sounds like You are starting to get out of the fog. That is a big improvement! Give Yourself some credit!

My NPD USED TO keep me awake during the night ranting...That is considered TORTURE You do know that right? You need to find someplace safe to go when that happens. Is there a door that You can lock to keep the BPD out? You might just tell the BPD that it is torture to do that and put a boundary down for that behavior.

I don't know a lot about BPD but I have read that IF YOU try and soothe
them it helps. Have You tried that? With NPDs they like to give pain. I THINK with BPD they feel like they are being discarded and go off on that. So, IF YOU FEEL LIKE THAT...You could tell them How Much You love them and How You want to be with them.

[12AM]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

My partner has physical and mental health illnesses and I have ignored a lot because of that a good example would be something like..... I put a dirty cup in the sink instead of by the sink he hits the roof is angry as hell will start shouting at me telling me all the things that I do wrong and have ever done wrong in his opinion. He'll often start calling me names and insulting me and twists things to make me feel that he is my victim. Things can continue like this for several hours and at times I have literally been on the floor crying my eyes out with him stood over me continuing his angry ranting. He'll also wake me up to be able to shout at me, tells me to get out of his site or his house etc but has this way of twisting things so I have to apologize to him.

His latest is telling me I am controlling, have taken away his life skills and that I plot behind his back with my mother.

But I am beginning to see that I don't deserve to be treated this way

This is clearly abuse. No matter what mental illness diagnosis that your partner has, it’s not an excuse to treat you like this. Playing a victim, trying to make us feel guilty for their faults, is a common tactic used by abusers to keep their victims under their control. Those bad things he accused you for doing are the reflections of bad things that he actually is doing to you. I suggest to read more about psychological abuse so you’ll be more aware of your situation. Here are some links that I found :

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Recognizing the Signs of an Abusive Relationship and Getting Help

21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Signs of an abusive relationship | Abuse and violence | ReachOut Australia

You are right, you don’t deserve to be treated that way. No one deserves to be treated that way. Hope you’ll get out of this situation soon

[12AM]

Originally Posted by keepontrucking

That is the beginning of the Light when You begin to see You don't deserve to be treated like this! I am assuming that You know that Your partner is BPD.

Have You studied BPD? What are the symptoms? My SO is uNPD and it helps me to study NPD symptoms and when he starts to rant then I go through the symptoms list and Say to Myself things like "He is raging to get control." "He is triangulating me with My mother" [/COLOR]

It sounds like You are starting to get out of the fog. That is a big improvement! Give Yourself some credit!

My NPD USED TO keep me awake during the night ranting...That is considered TORTURE You do know that right? You need to find someplace safe to go when that happens. Is there a door that You can lock to keep the BPD out? You might just tell the BPD that it is torture to do that and put a boundary down for that behavior.

I don't know a lot about BPD but I have read that IF YOU try and soothe
them it helps. Have You tried that? With NPDs they like to give pain. I THINK with BPD they feel like they are being discarded and go off on that. So, IF YOU FEEL LIKE THAT...You could tell them How Much You love them and How You want to be with them.

It’s good that you can somehow manage to handle your partner’s symptoms. I’m just concerned here. One thing that I know for sure, no matter how hard we try to help our partner, they won’t get better if they don’t want to put the same efforts. I hope your partner is also giving the same effort to manage his symptoms.

[keepontrucking]

[QUOTE=BDPpartner;6285845]My partner has physical and mental health

Originally Posted by 12AM

It’s good that you can somehow manage to handle your partner’s symptoms. I’m just concerned here. One thing that I know for sure, no matter how hard we try to help our partner, they won’t get better if they don’t want to put the same efforts. I hope your partner is also giving the same effort to manage his symptoms.

No, not so much...NPDs don't like to admit they have a problem...These are just tricks I have learned along the way

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by 12AM

It’s good that you can somehow manage to handle your partner’s symptoms. I’m just concerned here. One thing that I know for sure, no matter how hard we try to help our partner, they won’t get better if they don’t want to put the same efforts. I hope your partner is also giving the same effort to manage his symptoms.

My partner will admit that he is has BPD and that he needs help to be able to learn to cope better but he doesn't admit that his behaviour towards me is wrong. His father treated him, his mother and siblings in a similar way and before that his grandmother treated her husband and family the same way.

I get support from my parents and a monthly carers group but I can't open up to them about everything that goes on

[nicoleflynn]

That is verbal abuse, The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. No one deserves abuse.

When is starts the abuse, walk away, leave the room, if you have to, go outside. Verbal abuse is like having rocks thrown at you, and you would never stand there and let someone do that to you. Do not respond; they/he doesnt' care what you think or feel.

[12AM]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

My partner will admit that he is has BPD and that he needs help to be able to learn to cope better but he doesn't admit that his behaviour towards me is wrong. His father treated him, his mother and siblings in a similar way and before that his grandmother treated her husband and family the same way.

I get support from my parents and a monthly carers group but I can't open up to them about everything that goes on

Why can’t you open up to them?

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by 12AM

Why can’t you open up to them?

I've never been able to open up !

There has only been perhaps 2 maybe 3 at most that can see through the painted on smile but even with them I just couldn't, can't open up fully. Apparently even as a very young child I was the same, my mother told me that I had a rag doll that was eventually named ' Agro Doll ' as even before I could speak I used to punch, kick and jump up and down on it until I was exhausted

[12AM]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

I've never been able to open up !

There has only been perhaps 2 maybe 3 at most that can see through the painted on smile but even with them I just couldn't, can't open up fully. Apparently even as a very young child I was the same, my mother told me that I had a rag doll that was eventually named ' Agro Doll ' as even before I could speak I used to punch, kick and jump up and down on it until I was exhausted

I’m sorry, I know it can be hard to open up especially when you’re not used to it You can always open up here though as we are anonymous in this forum

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by 12AM

I’m sorry, I know it can be hard to open up especially when you’re not used to it You can always open up here though as we are anonymous in this forum

Thank you

I have and do try to open up here but despite fooling everyone that has ever met me into believing that I am a confident, outgoing, this is me like it or take a hike person. I over analysis everything and stuggle with self loathing. Probably why I am in the situation I am.

On a brighter note today when my partner was shouting down at me, telling me how I think I am perfect that I don't listen because I think I am too cleaver and all that I actually told him that if I listened to every thing that he says to me I'd have killed myself a long time ago. That actually shut him up

[12AM]

Well done for standing up for yourself I have one abusive ex with BPD too (though not all people with BPD are abusive, I just had a bad luck), I stood up for myself and somehow it softened him but sadly in my case it didn’t last. I ended up leaving him and blocking him from my life as the abuse became unbearable.

[Marylin]

I think your partner is controlling,is a perfectionist and is projecting his own faults onto you,also,what we despise in ourselves we will not tolerate in others,know that to treat you this way means he is full of self hatred.Don't let him belittle and abuse you this way!BDP partner,you can walk away,but obviously you know and presumably knew when you got with him that he has mental and physically illnesses,that does not mean however that he can treat you like his punch bag and vent his frustration out on you.

Get away from this man ASAP. You definitely don't deserve this. Yes, that is abuse -- verbal and emotional. Get out now, please, and save your mental health.

[BDPpartner]

Thank you everyone

He's still actively seeking help for him be able to cope with his extreme emotions, I will try and help him pursue his treatment whether we're together or not. But I am realising ............

I don't know !!!!!!!!!

[Fuzzybear]

It’s not ok for him to vent his frustration and anger on you like this. I hope you can get away. Some NPD’s have very limited insight into themselves sadly. And we can’t help them to change. . They will simply keep on being abusive.