My Story of Abuse

Content warnings for child abuse, physical abuse, sexual assault, emotional abuse, and lots of awful things. Please proceed with caution.

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I have a significant trauma history. My biological father has always been an extremely abusive and violent person. When I was a child, he'd beat me and my sister with clothing hangers and his hands. He also hit my mother. Abuse was very common in my family. My grandfather hit my grandmother, and all my uncles abused their wives. When I was 8 my father beat me with a hanger just because the dress I was wearing was too baggy. Another time he hit me because I accidentally broke a bowl. When I was 9 he found out my mom was cheating on him. He decided to tell my sister and me about it because he wanted to turn us against her. He let us listen to tapes he recorded of her talking to her boyfriend, and told us she was a wh*re. We were 9 and 8 at the time. He wanted revenge on her, and he used us as weapons. He wanted to hurt her by taking away her kids. He wanted us to hate our own mother. It was at this age he sexually assaulted her in front of me and my brother. I never forgot that night.

I went to live with my mother's relatives and that was also a hellish time. They were insensitive, mean and awful to me. They would insult me to my face and behind my back. I remember my maternal grandmother calling me a dummy and a fool. It didn't help that I was bullied in school for a year. I couldn't catch a break.

My brother and I were always very close, but my sister is a selfish, cruel person. She was one of the people who seemed to be my enemy.

As I was finishing the 6th grade, my father gained custody of us. He had brainwashed us into saying we wanted to live with him. He was very good at manipulating. For the first year, my life was ok. I was a straight A student and class president. A while later, the stress of single parenthood got to my father and he started beating us again. We got hit all the time for every little thing. One time my sister and I got beaten for wearing the wrong type of bra. We lived with my paternal grandmother and aunt , and my grandmother would tell him things about us girls so we would get beaten.

I remember getting hit in the head so hard one time before school, it gave me a headache and I had the pain all school day. He'd slap me in the face with both hands on each side of the face. Once when I was 16 I had purple bruises on the left side of my body that took ages to fade. He would frequently gather us kids into a room and yell at us about how ungrateful we were and how he had to work hard to provide for us. It would sometimes lead to beatings. during one of these rants he pulled me by hair.

When I was 13 I did something he didn't like. I was getting ready to take a bath and he made me strip naked in front of him to humiliate me. It was how he wanted to punish me.

when I was 17, my school guidance counselor found out I was being abused. She called home to tell him he needed to stop or else she'd report him. It worked for a time. At first he said it was good I didn't lie, but eventually he tried to guilt me by making it sound like I was wrong for telling her. Eventually he went back to beating me. He also deprived me of sleep to punish me. He said I needed to earn the right to sleep. He would make me stay up until midnight then wake me at 5am and force me to stay awake. I had to go to school tired.

When I was 18, he stopped hitting me for the most part. He was still abusive in other ways. When I was 19 he hit me in the head once but I yelled at him. When I was 22 he got in my face and stuck his finger in my face, threatening to snack me. I pushed him back. During my early 20s he did his best to harass me by trying to force me to use paper shredding for my cat litter box (he wanted control over the cat litter box) and by claiming my room was messy and it was an inconvenience to my brother. One day I came home to find that all my stuff was packed onto my bed. He had done it while I was at work. He claimed that the cats missed the litter box because I didn't clean it, and he'd put the cat feces near my bed to punish me. We begged my grandmother to throw him out, but she refused.

When I was 24, things got very heated and one morning I lost patience. After an hour of listening to him insult me, I threw a bowl of water on him. He retaliated by running after me, pulling my head back by my hair and slapping my face.

When I was 23, I met a guy who seemed like a nice guy. Two years later, we moved in together. I wanted to escape my family and this seemed A way to do it. A few months in, things got worse. He started stealing from me to buy drugs. His parents were rich but they limited the amount of money they gave him. He started relying on me for money. He eventually got physically violent, threatening me with knives, threatening to strangle me. He broke two of my cell phones, my computer, and other property. He tried to burn my arm with a cigarette. I found out he had antisocial personality disorder but his parents acted like he was normal because they didn't want to scare me away. They were hoping I'd look after him. Eventually things got so bad the police were called and I left.

As a result of living this horrible life, I have complex PTSD, severe depression, suicide ideation and anxiety. I don't know how I survived. I just know I'm alive now. If you have any kind words or advice, I'd be happy to hear them. Just so you know, I am in therapy.

There wasn't much love or nurturing in that lot, was there?
Welcome to the other side. It's a hard road, but it's a better one.

There really wasn't.

how do you feel typing all that. does it give you some sort of relief because when i type mine out it did for me too. all things bottled up inside and yet it makes me feel like "wow, i've been through some ****."

I am so sorry....what a horrific life (I had one, too)....Good for you, stay in therapy; it is the hardest thing you will ever do, but the best....and you deserve the best! xo

It was shocking. I feel ok now. I just wish I could get justice.

I typed my early childhood out, on here, but I wasn't able to get further than I did bc what I did type caused flash backs, trouble sleeping, major problems, ect. So when, or if I am truly ready I have such a bad past of all types of abuse through my life, I will finish typing my life.

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. My mom.slapped me in the face all the time. Rip my clothes because she was jealous of me and made me wear clothes that humiliated me.

Omg, I'm sorry you went through that. She sounds a bit like my grandmother. She was jealous of her daughters.