[manyinsiders]

Hi,
We have lived with older sister up until 2 years ago, we still have close ties with her. She knows about our DID diagnosis, knows that DID is strongly correlated with childhood trauma, but we have never told her that we had abuse by parents and older brothers. We are 58, sister is 68. Abuse was in our childhood, so very long ago. Parents passed away 20+ years ago. Have no contact with one brother
and very little with other brother.
We have thought about telling local sister, but have a lot of misgivings, plus want to get feedback from others in a similar situation.
We suspect our sister has a lot of denial, but just not sure how she might react.
But the difficulty for us in staying silent feels burdensome and depressing to us.
So would like some feedback.
Also, please let me know if this belongs in another section of the forum.
Thank you.
Manyinsiders

[nicoleflynn]

I think perhaps you should talk to her. It may be that she would feel relief.

[sarahsweets]

Whenever there is abuse where certain family members do not notice or do not know at all its important to weigh whether telling them will be helpful to you or them and if it will be helpful to you. My mom had to come to terms with some abuse at the hands of my father..and I am unable to talk specifics. i think part of her would like specifics so she can place where she was when it happened but at the same time, I think its rather devastating for her. letting her know that abuse did happen was enough for me. I am not able to nor want to discuss specifics with anyone really, other than in therapy. As a mom I can empathize with how it would feel to hear my children were abused under my nose. If my siblings did not experience what I did with our father (they didnt, second marriage for my Dad) I do not feel it is in their best interest to sour them on a father they have a different memory of. I wouldnt lie if I were asked but I do not think it is beneficial to volunteer. If however the only way to make peace in my heart happen would be to tell people in my family, I would role play scenarios on how to do that in therapy. I would make sure I was as fair and matter of fact i could be. Its a tough call. I have decided that peace for me has been my responsibility and telling certain people will hurt them more than it would help me.

[manyinsiders]

Thank you both for responding.
Thinking we will not send letter at this point.
Maybe is enough that sister knows about DID.
And honestly, we are having enough other stress right now with medical issues and DID and ptsd acting up.
Spice