My mother showing sexual interest in me when I was a teen.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you!

I agree great advice!

I think you were very brave to share what you shared here. It's not easy to sit and talk about this experience you had.

Its all anonymous ;o

But thanks!

I did confront her with this a few years ago. My father was there as well. She became very nervous, defensive and even sweaty. She denied most of it while saying that "it was a joke that for some reason had taken seriously"

If you are really this empathic then you should be careful in this world.

And in my life there was way more **** than this. Im a part of a very small ethnic minority which isnt really liked anywhere in the world. So growing up in USSR meant growing up in a hostile environment. While Im not religious, my family name was seen as a problem by some people. Including even some teachers. But all of that is nothing compared to what I was experiencing with my family. Luckily my grandparents were different and I liked spending time with them much more than with my parents

[QUOTE]If you are really this empath then you should be careful in this world.[QUOTE]

Yes, I have learned that admittedly the hard way.

Well, it's another reason you feel the way you do about people in general then. I know, people can be mean, could not help noticing that ever since my childhood.

Its fine! Despite of all that **** I ended up being an extremely liberal openminded guy. Not bad for a product of a totalitarian state and fked up parents ^^

Thx all!

I think it's very good for you that you started this thread. Sharing details about this kind of abuse is extremely difficult. Perhaps sharing here and getting validation may be beneficial and therapeutic for you in some ways. Although the majority of replies may be "below your level" I believe in every thread you could possibly find sone fresh and unexpected point of view. Or at least a positive interaction with others who decide to reply without any kind of personal profit.
I hope you stay on the forum.

I dont really appreciate sarcasm in your reply. It doesnt bother me but Im trying to take this thread seriously.

Spitting it all out isnt hard really. I mean we are all strangers here

My father was coerced into his mother's bed as a young teen and the dominoes of abuse never stopped falling thereafter. My mother also alternated between being viciously critical and inappropriately romantic with me, even as she told me that my genitals were disgusting and farcical. And such conflicting messages must have serious consequences for a young teen. I could never work out how to make love to a woman without feeling that I was violating her and it ruined the first fifteen years of my adult life and countless potentially wonderful relationships. Do persevere with therapy and the second you feel yourself "wrapping a therapist around your little finger" because you're so cunning and intellectually superior, realise that your ego is not protecting you, it is simply cementing the problem into place and ensuring that you will never have a great fulfilling, relationship. Be ruthlessly honest about your fears and if they can't help, go find another one, but don't give up. Even if they can't relate to your problems and don't have the answers, deep inside you, you do. So no matter how inadequate the sessions are, they will have each time helped shift you incrementally towards that realisation, and so eventually, to heal yourself.

I wasn't being sarcastic here. I was serious. You keep repeating how the majority of people are too stupid. And reading your posts, I definitely see you're highly intelligent. So when I said that many replies may say things that seem obvious to you, I meant that honestly and without any sarcasm. It's sometimes more difficult for highly intelligent people to find adequate psychological help.

giving me supply may derail my thought process to the usual routine and may not be productive on any level as you are giving me a very serious drug that I get all over the place already. I swear I didnt come here for only that, although a part of me is utterly pleased hearing this all over the place rofl.

But yes, spitting it out (about my mother I mean) did give me a degree of comfort so you are right

gaminegamin,

Welcome to PC, thank you for sharing. A person has to really want to heal, it sounds like that is what you yourself really wanted and have been working very hard at.

I have a degree of love/romantic interest in women but it doesnt mean that I actively pursue this. And I can surely go for years without sex.

I dont understand this obsession with the act which is so common in the world.

The very first girl who I liked a lot was never seen by me as an object of sexual desire. It was WAY more than this primitive savage act of exchanging bodily liquids and mutual sweating. In fact having sex with her would ruin it all for sure. It was more about being together and holding her godly hand and looking her in those big blue eyes of hers which were like nuclear power plants connected right to my brain. She was giving me an ocean of energy which I needed badly. In fact I can even say that she was giving me supply but at the same time being with her was highly addictive.

Then I had a long relationship with another girl and we had lots of sex. It wasnt bad and sometimes it was even good but I still cant say that I was looking towards it. It felt more like hard work with a "paycheck" at the end of each session.

I doubt that I will ever have sex again. I see no reason to do it. At the same time I enjoy looking at naked girls quite a lot. Those who are beautiful I mean. Yet its mind games with them which give me energy and not the act itself.

While Im still a healthy man I know how to take care of myself in a way which provides me the most pleasure although most of the times its more like using a toilet to empty yourself. Something like "Oh I feel so horny again and theres pressure down there.. fine fair enough lets spend 10 minutes to solve this"

Quote:

Originally Posted by amandalouise if you google asexuality you will find it is something where a person identifies with being neither boy or girl, man or woman, along with this comes having no attraction / love interest/ romantic interest with either men nor women. given that your post identified your self as being a man rather than calling yourself... Im an adult with no gender identification..... I think you can rest easy that you are may not under the legal definition be asexual gender. that said many do have a problem where they have no interest in sex/ romance/ love/ dating and so on due to being sexually abused emotionally or physically. my location calls this having PTSD. mind you Im not making a diagnosis of your problem just telling you what my location calls what you went through with your mother and the problems you are having is called here where I am. to find out what this is in your own location you will need to contact your own or a medical or mental health treatment provider. they will tell you what this is in you and how to best treat the problem.

hey, im sorry if this seems rude but you have the definition of asexuality wrong. being asexual means don't experience sexual attration to anyone at all. it doesn't mean that you identify with not having a gender. that's called being agender. two completely different things. im asexual, and also a cis female.

I do think this is sad still. You know this is your root problem, and your mother would not help you with it either, not even when you made her face what she did. It's like that song you say is you, it just only goes to a certain point and then it doesn't go any farther and then it just repeats the same thing.

Supply, what it means to you? Playing games with both males and females to see if you can get their hopes up of experiencing being loved and then you snap it away from them, it's just your way of "I could if I want to". Yet, that is what you yourself needs to believe so you can gain control in your own mind over the experiences you had that hit you in a certain way that turned you off to thinking you could really experience a normal relationship. Your mother laughed and thought it was funny, and that's what you do to. What is high EQ for you? That you can injure someone's ego and you don't care? It's like your goal was to develop scar tissue around this narcissistic wound you sustained so you can believe that you can't be hurt that way again. OR, if you play the game where you can attack some other guy's sexuality, it helps a part of you decide your wound is not all that bad, that what hurt you isn't something you ever valued anyway or that it's stupid to value it.

When someone loses something they deeply care about, something they want to experience for themselves because of someone elses neglegence or disrespect or who really intrudes their boundaries. This makes the person feel "invaded and unsafe" but also guilt for not being able to better protect so it did not happen. A very strong desire develops where the person suffering the loss wants to see the other person experience the same loss and suffer the same way.

Something changes, changes in the brain itself. It's an injury that a person experiences where they genuinely lose a sense of feeling safe to "care" the same way again. Truth is, the person never wants to experience that kind of feeling again. As a result, the person begins to navigate in a way where they try to avoid experiencing that kind of loss/invasion/injury again. Something changed in you where you will never be able to trust again, that's why you can so confidently say that if you were to really love a woman, it could be really bad for that woman, "you don't want to know" you say or something to that effect.

Women have too much power now, with you that has an extra meaning that brings discomfort, as your mother had too much power too and what she chose to do took something from you before you even had a chance to discover it for yourself. Then she had the audacity to say "I was just joking". You and I know there was nothing "funny" in what she did and at the very least she could admit that to you.

You wrote how you "can" play with women's heads where you encourage them to think you are THE ONE on that white horse with golden balls that can forever make her happy. Yet, you enjoy building her up to believing that and then you do something to "take that away" too. That gives you a "supply"of what, power? I was just joking too when you do that. Yet, the one who really needs to experience this is who? Your own mother and you somehow see your mother in all women in that it's such a risk for you to trust any of them.

Did you know that's how a woman feels when she has been raped or tried to trust only to have that innocent trust become something some bad man manipulated and used against her? I wonder, I wonder if what you REALLY decided is that anyone who trusts must be stupid. Maybe you just need to teach them a lesson, the same lesson you yourself in your own innocence experienced. Yet, it's not them you hate, it's the innocence itself.

You cannot even experience pleasure in yourself, it's something you just "get rid of", some inconvience. It's your own way of creating your own sense of control over something your mother invaded. Is that really high EQ?

I think all your studying about NPD and human psychology was not so you could heal, but instead so you could build stronger walls and figure out how to take away from others what was taken from yourself. That is where you get your "supply". What you choose to do with other men that are lonely and horney is you present them with a self created female that manipulates them where their own personal sense of masculinity becomes their failure. Isn't that what someone did to you? Did that person not get the best of you? What did you decide to do about that? You decided to learn that game yourself so you could be even better at it so you could tear some guy down even faster. You simply choose to take any pain you yourself suffered from to attack others. Hmmm, it that high EQ too? Actually Inaccurate, that is exactly what your mother did, she too invaded your innocence. Do you really want to be like her? You give her too much power when you choose to do it that way.

Sigh...that's a hard one because people say that to me when it comes to my challenge with my older sister. I trusted her and what I did not know is that she was jealous of me. And in all honesty, maybe that was really what your mother was more about with you too. Maybe she was jealous of your masculinity, did you ever think about that one? Maybe she envied what you had and you were totally caught off guard by that. There are some women that experience penis envy, did you know that?

Penis envy - Wikipedia

Catfishing is the ultimate high stakes poker game of chess. The girl Im pretending to be has nothing to do with me on any level. Its not even a projection. Instead, its a mirror that they get to see. A distorted one maybe but its what it is.

I cant think of a better/easier way to study human psychology than this.

The human mind achieves its ultimate greatness when its "in love". And my virtual girl can push men into that very unusual and delicate state which is a bit different for everyone.

Unfortunately (and you may like this part) 99.9%+ of the population isnt worth doing it to. A commoner in love is still a commoner. Even in love he will be stupid, predictable and plain even if he becomes crazy and obsessed.

For me its possibly the best way to get supply. "This smart guy falls for it, my game is perfect, Im pushing the right buttons, its wonderful".

Please consider listening to this very delicate melody.

The pianist had to learn to play that well but if you are into music then the melody can be quite memorable I guess.

When I do this with an intelligent person then I feel lots of power which transpires into more than just fun. In fact in some cases it gives me energy and makes me euphoric in real life.

What is high EQ and what purpose does it serve? Im HPS and being so in my case means that I can read people very well. I know what they think and feel at any given moment too well. Should I add some gas or hit the breaks? Its that ability to feel them and to know what they are feeling that can make "the pursuit" very memorable for the fish, in fact some of them sail and discover uncharted territory of their psyche when they tune into Mary.

Whats more wonderful than pushing someone into this uncharted territory, away from the idiocy of today, away from their boring wives if they are married? That feeling of suddenly being alive is too expensive and too rare for nearly anyone.

So no. I disagree that I do anything wrong. In fact as I keep improving my game Im thinking of aiming higher and doing this to first low level celebrities and if all goes right, maybe even higher.

That's a really pretty piece, I love the piano, did you ever try playing the piano?

there are quite a few delicate melodies out there, not just on the piano. This one has an ironic name, I mean given the nature of this conversation ;o

YouTube

if you listen to it then I suggest listening from A to Z.

To answer your question: Im not sure I can play the piano since I have never tried it

(that last sentence is attempted humor; just saying)

oh yes I just remembered this, the latest "interesting thing" about my mother from 2 years ago.

She owns a nice property and while she has never helped me in ANY way (childhood excluded) she told me the following "why dont you and your brother pay me 5-10k a year for some time; dont worry, you will be compensated by inheriting my house after I have passed away". She didnt need money no, instead she decided to use me and my brother as a bank to improve her life. After I said "no" she told me "if your brother does decide to pay then he will inherit it all and you get nothing".

Blackmailing me in this despicable way was literally the final touch of our relationship. I told her that she may keep it all and give it to anyone since I dont feel like taking anything from her.