[-Astral-]

when me and my husband have an fight my husband seems to lose his temper and hit or damage something in the house he has put his hand through a door and in the past he has grapped me hard
i am unsure if this is a warning sign that he maybe abustive he says he does these things because he is frustrated with me he use to be a self harmer but not done it in a long time am also worried that he might hurt me
am scared of him unsure what i can do about it but i think he may need help
he is also controlling as well

[Unhinged88]

Well, yes. I would say. You shouldn't be afraid of your husband.

[-Astral-]

do i bring it up to him i dont want us to fight again ...its becoming to the point its affecting me so badly i feel very triggered and upset to the point where i am rocking back and forth in shock of some sort ( i have PTSD from abuse as a child )
he has stopped me from leaving and am not allowed money due to the fact of my mental health but any money he does give me is very little
unsure if i should call the police next time but they might take his side as he is my carer as well

[Unhinged88]

Do you have a therapist to confide in? I am not sure if you should approach him about it if you think he might react badly. Maybe there is a crisis line you can call?

When he does these things (punching walls, etc) and it triggers you, then it is emotional abuse. I would be afraid that it might become physical. Have you told this to your therapist or doctor?

He stops you from leaving? Are you allowed to talk to friends, family?

[mimsies]

This is already an abusive situation. It is beyond a warning sign. You need to find nearby support and help immediately. Good luck and Hugs. We are here for you too when you need someone to listen.

[NP_Complete]

I found it extremely counter-productive when I told my husband that he was being abusive towards me. It caused him to ramp up his emotional abuse of me to a great degree. I suggest not doing that. Do you have a therapist you can talk to?

[-Astral-]

av not told anyone yet i have no contact with my family but am allowed to see my friend my friends are also my husband friends i have brought it up to my husband but he says he need to stop me from leaving as he is scared ill hurt myself in some way he is controling because of my mental health issues i have my pastor that i can talk to its just i push buttons its mainly my fault

[nicoleflynn]

He does NOT "lose" his temper.....he is in control. You are being abused; unless an abuser realizes he is an abuser and gets help, he will never change. You have to help yourself; I got out after 31 years of physical and verbal abuse. You can call the Domestic Violence Hotline; there are so many resources now to help. Do you have a shelter in your area? You do NOT push his buttons; he has a choice in how he responds and behaves. Abusers always blame the ones they are abusing.http://www.ncdsv.org/images/PowerCon...ADING.pdf...if this doesn't show up correctly,you can google the "Power Control wheel...domestic violence. Abuser s are excruciatingly insecure and will say and do anything to keep you under control. I went to my pastor, and unfortunately it was a disaster; I had to educate myself....most churches are ill equipped in understanding and helping women in abusive situations.

The Verbally Abusive Relationshp by Patricia Evans is a book which saved my life. One thing I can tell you from research and experience is....not to engage in abusive conversation; the abuser wants you to keep explaining over and over.

In other words, trust your gut; if you are afraid there is a reason;abuse usually escalates and he could hurt you or kill you. PLEASE call the domestiv violence hotline (make sure he isn't around); if you have to, make the call from somewhere else.

[BLUEDOVE]

For God's sake listen to Nicole,she's right!
God Bless,
BLUEDOVE

Could you clarify by what you mean that you that you don't have any contact with your family. Is that because you don't want to have contact with them, or is it because your husband won't allow for you to have contact with them?

[-Astral-]

because my mother is hard to deal with and she calls me by my birthname instead of my female name witch i told her it upsets me to hear my birthname she will not call me by my male name ( av changed my name once ( twice next week) because my birthname upsets me so much am changing my name to a male name my mother has no idea am trans am not even out to her as she is a bigot and calls me an attetion seeker for having mental health problems ) i have stop talking to her for this reason my sister also dont give a monkeys about me and put all her issues on to me my husband feels she caughting problems with my mental health
my husband is my carer the fact i have mental health issues and how my mental health is i cant have money on me because i end up buying things like blades and other stuff i have OD'D in the past due to me having money and buying things i shouldnt
my husband gets very frustrated with me he hits things as a way to express himself
i have OCD and there are times when i go in curles on the same subject we have delt with weeks before me bring them back up because i get triggered in to thinking that
way i know he shouldnt be hitting door s etc
i am now scared to bring up the fact with my pastor
I love my husband very much i dont help whats going on with my mental health i go around and around with the same subject we managed to deal with weeks before and managed to be stable again I get triggered by things
one of them being religious stuff

i dont want to leave him i want him to work on him self and get help for him
i dont want to hurt him
I love him

This is an abusive relationship. Abuse is always about power and control over another. It is NOT about love. Abuse only just escalates statistically over time. He exerts control over you, he has been physical with you, he has become violent, and he isolates you -- all signs of an abusive relationship. It will only get worse over time. Leave this man ASAP however you can. Save yourself and your mental health!

Thank you Astral for explaining the situation. Is your mental health provider aware of the problems you have with your husband?

[-Astral-]

no one official knows

I agree with the others here, that this is a form of abuse and that you need to leave. The next question is is, where do you go? Do you have somewhere to go? Maybe someone you know in your mental health care team could help get you out of your situation?

[-Astral-]

i cant leave he has my medication locked away , i have no money and i have no where to go and i cant look after myself at all

[nicoleflynn]

Call the National Domestic Violence hotline.....you can also talk to a social worker; call a hospital.

Her profile says that she lives in Scotland. I don't know if they have a National Domestic Violence Hotline there.

[-Astral-]

first of all am HE not SHE also am not leaving him he says he is getting help from one of my friends this is going no further and he has been calm and we both are happy

We have talk about it together i made the mistake of posting this post i now want it locked but thank you all for supporting me but i think i let this get too far

[-Astral-]

sorry to bump this up again ...i need help he hurt me psycally grabing me when we had a fight ...sorry i cant cope he more controling now should have listened

[keepontrucking]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

sorry to bump this up again ...i need help he hurt me psycally grabing me when we had a fight ...sorry i cant cope he more controling now should have listened

Since It seems You are legally under his control You need to make an appointment and get Your medical team together OR tell Your doctor. They will find a shelter or place for You to go to be safe.

Don't let Your Husband say "YOU ARE CAUSING HIM TO LOSE CONTROL" If that were to be the case he'd be losing control on everyone. He is losing control ONLY ON YOU to gain control. He does that by using fear!

You are seriously in a Dangerous position! Get help as soon as possible. Try and Not argue with him. When You can get things in place to leave arguing only put You in a more serious position. Make sure He is giving You YOUR medications on time! That will be important to Your recovery.

[Fuzzybear]

It sounds like he is very controlling.

The issue re medication and the usual lack of useful help (and their appallingly limited vocabulary... the “helpers” irl in this forest is regrettable

Originally Posted by -Astral-

sorry to bump this up again ...i need help he hurt me psycally grabing me when we had a fight ...sorry i cant cope he more controling now should have listened

Is there a free domestic violence shelter you can go to to live in? Can you call a domestic violence hotline in Scotland and get help from a counselor? You need to get OUT of this situation with him as soon as possible. It is violent and it is escalating. I suggest looking into available resources to help you to leave him and SOON... there must be something.