[ACrystalGem]

I know I’m lucky to have escaped the abuse when I was 23, but as I approach 50, some things are really making me upset.
1: My nieces and nephews were the only good thing about my old family; I loved them so much, and they were all under 13 when I ran. The thought of them being grown adults but being unable to see them (or probably even recognise them) makes me really upset. My nephew S would be 40 this month, and another nephew C, will be 32 tomorrow. I lost so much when I ran away, but losing the kids is something that still hurts.
2: I’d only run for about a year when one of my ex-friends from church I’d confided in, told the old family my address. A couple of them have tried to get in touch and 2 brothers managed to trick my neighbour and get into my block (but not into my home, thank God). When I bumped into an older sister in a busy part of London, she pretended to not see me even though we were standing at the same crossing. I don’t know why that still bothers me, but I guess part of me wishes they’d come and get me and apologise and I’d finally have a family who loved me. It’s all a fantasy, I know. I wouldn’t choose to get within a mile of them unless I knew they’d had some therapy & were actively trying to change.

I just wish there was an endpoint to this. Family has always meant a lot to me. In all the years since I ran I’ve never quite become used to being with only one other person, or being alone. It all sucks big time.

[Misery Business]

ACrystalGem, I don't know if people who have suffered abuse in there past ever get over it completely. I am so sorry after all these years that you still suffer with these challenges in your life and it isn't fair at all. While the others seem to go on with life. I am only 16 years old and have suffered a different kind of abuse and not at the hands of my family, but I struggle everyday with issues that I have to deal with while the people who did the abuse to me go on with there daily lives and could actually be hurting others. I do however know that two of the people involved are at least locked up for a long time that were involved in my situation, but still even though there lives have been changed they don't have to live with the demons I have to live with each day because of the abuse.

I can't fully grasp what you are going through with not having family because I know how important my family is to me and all I can do is reach out to you and try to be a support and give hugs as well.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( ACrystalGem ))))))))

I won’t insult your intelligence by telling you your feelings are “understandable”

I can relate to some of what you wrote, fwiw