[noobody]

hello everyone thanks for reading this, hopefully you'll have some answers for me
I'm 100% certain that i've been molested by both my cousin and my neighboor (not at the same time and they don't know each other) and at the time all i remember is that i was under 9yrs old and both are 5 yrs older than me.
cas that be considered molesting if they both were underage ? was i abused or am i just overeacting ?

Possible trigger:

I was forced to give a blowjob and some other things ( no penetration)

all i wanted to be was to be their friend.
I remembred everything a few years later and since then i've been asking myself the same question was i abused ?
is that why i can't bear someone touching me? is that why at 21 yrs old i still can't even see myself kissing someone or being intimate with them.
Im sorry if this post is confusing but im confused myself
PS: i still see and talk to them and they never talked about any of this.

[TheEmptyRoom]

Yes it is possible that you were. Now of it was by them or not I cannot say. When we experience a traumatic event that is to much for us to handle, our brains will suppress these memories. This is how it protects itself. My advice is to find a trauma therapist. They are trained in these matters and can draw out memories in a safe manner so that your psyche doesn't shatter. But remember once that box is opened there is no shutting it. Living with visions, memories, and nightmares has been hell for me. I wish you the best.

[Skeezyks]

Hello nobody: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central.

It's already been suggested that you seek out a trauma specialist to work with regarding what you remember. I think I can do no more than second that suggestion. If what you described actually occurred, then absolutely you were abused. And yes, my personal non-professional opinion at least would be that it could well have led to how you feel today regarding intimacy.

Here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, on adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse:

Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse | Ending Silence

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.