[TwilightMoth]

Hello. This is my story. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, social anxiety, Schizoaffective Disorder, and Major Depression. I’m here to share my story and ask for ways of how I can heal and what treatment is possibly best for me? Thank you.

Possible trigger:

At the age of 11 and 14, I was beaten by multiple tree branch rods longer than my height. The one that happened when I was 14 happened in May 2016. They would be laying across the floor, and I would be forced to bend over. He would pick one up and beat me over and over ruthlessly, I swung like a whip, my body peeling and scarred with each blow, then he would drop one, pick up another one, and go at it again. My body would be in ruin. Covered in welts, bloody wounds, blisters, peeling skin, and scars. I would be beaten with such brutal force, and I was so hurt, I started to move my body trying to stand up a bit while it was occuring, and he pushed me back onto the group and continued to beat me aggressively. I started to mutter a word that exemplified the pain I was experiencing, "F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f". He thought that I was just trying to be "grown". After the brutal assault he caused, he tried to treat me with food, sweets, and such. He would force me to work with him when I wasn't in school, doing outdoor, hard, manual labor, all of my weekends and summers mostly. Having to listen to the awful music on his radio as it would constantly talk about offensive topics and say offensive words and spout out the n-word and “f***ing” and drugs and such. We would have to do things like dig graves, cut down trees and move entire pieces, mow yards, and much, much more. I remember when I was given $100 by a lady for hard work and he took his $100 and took half of mine. I was never paid or anything. At the age of 15, I had to talk him out of beating me which was almost about to occur. At his relative's house, I was asked to do a task for him, and I had to put bottles in a cooler, and he suddenly walked into the room with a belt in his hand, and he was about to beat me with it. I managed to somehow talk him out of it, and he said next time, he would strip me down to my underwear and he would beat me until his arms got tired, he would drink a refreshing drink, and then continue to beat me. As I walked out, one of his relative's asked him if I was beaten, as if he was expecting it. At the age of 16, I was forced to take off my shirt and pants down to my underwear and socks, then he would proceed to punch me in my chest, I would fall onto the bed, then he would tell me to get back up and "fight" him, and he would keep attacking me in a corner as I was falling onto the bed with each blow. He would say very hurtful and offensive things, such as a P-word that correlates with the word "cat" and is offensive and so much more awful words. I would then be forced to bend over on the bed and he would beat me with a belt over and over, and I eventually fell onto the ground, crying and screaming in pain as my body was surrounded with blisters and blooding marks and wounds. He would say how it's not over, yelling at me to get up so he could beat me more. He would say how it's supposed to hurt, that it's not supposed to be pleasant. I said I was scared of him and he said "Good". He screamed at me to get back up and he kept beating me on the bed. After that, he told me to take a shower, how he "couldn't stand to see me like that". He would say that next time he would tie me up because of me moving around too much for him. A week after that, I was beaten again, because he said I wasn't beaten hard enough by him. And then I was beaten again for some other time. All of the times I was beaten, I have received physical damage to my body, welts, scars, bloodily wounds, and blisters. Sitting in school was very difficult. I dropped a plate of food accidentally and I heard him say how he should beat me for it. At the age of 16, I was forced to be bathed by my "mother" fully naked multiple times, and I was slapped when I tried to refuse. She would say how I should be ashamed of myself. She has beaten me with the back of a wooden broomstick while I was trying to sleep. My “mother” has called me a racially offensive word multiple times. I was back slapped for frowning. Her boyfriend threatened that if I didn't get good enough grades, he would come to my school and beat me in front of my classmates. He threatened me saying I can tell the police that "he will put his foot all the way up my *****", and that he will go to jail because of it and how he would hurt me. He was trying to talk about things and such and I said how I was forced to "freaking" work, and he got aggressively mad at me and he got out the car and told me to fight him and he will smash me onto the ground and such. He started calling me discriminatory, offensive names, and he said that he will go to jail next time I say that word, and he would truly "put his foot all they way in my *****". I was scared for my life, and didn't know how to react. They were extremely homophobic, her boyfriend was extremely sexist and viewed certain people as "objects". I would be forced to get my hair shaved as a punishment and when the barber asked how will it be, he would say "Cut it bald".My "mother" would punch me and beat me for making lower-than-expected grades, she would grab me by my shirt collar so many times, and yell so many bad things while spitting in my face. I tried getting help, I was in the same room with them when I tried to explain things to a counselor and her boyfriend was smiling, laughing, and grinning. I was never believed, they got away with abusing me, they took so much away from me. I remember telling my “grandmother” how I didn’t want to go home and she told my mother and my mother yelled at me in the car and such and said “I hope you got a good look at her, you’re not going to see her for a long time”. Anytime there was someone “trying” to stick up for me, they would be blocked completely out of my life, which was my “uncle” and my “grandmother” but they don’t care anymore.
They would lie and try to say how it is "tough love" and that he said if he was abusing me, he would beat me for no reason or lock me in a closet. At the age of 17, I was told to sweep and she would beat me while I was sweeping because I wasn’t moving fast enough for her, I was sweeping and upset and she would hit me with a belt over and over.

I tried telling the police, the high school counselor and other counselors, the CPS worker, no one helped me out or believed me of my horrible situation.

[Skeezyks]

I never had to endure the shear brutality you did. But I was bullied verbally, emotionally & physically by a gang of older boys beginning in junior high school & throughout high school. And when I finally tried to reach out for help, no one believed me either or perhaps they just didn't care. In fact, at one point, one of the bullies beat me up breaking my nose. When he was asked about it he said I called him a name. (Fat chance!) Thus I got blamed for my my own beating. So I can fully understand how you received the kind of response you got from counselors & others... dreadful! I hope your situation is better now & that you are safe at last.