[Travelinglady]

I don't know why the breakthrough occurred recently, but about three years after my mother's death, I am finally grieving--not so much about her being gone, but over knowing my mother can now never be the mother I needed and wanted. I am finally crying over things she said and did to me that were hurtful and damaging. I think it's a good thing and will be working with a new therapist. Any thoughts? Thanks.

[unaluna]

I think its about 5 years since my mom passed, and i see changes in my dreams about her still progressing.

Its interesting, my 2 aunts that she was closest to, say that they never dream about her. I guess they dont have unfinished business? They are who she talked to ALL THE TIME - an hour every weekday when i was growing up. She never gave me that kind of attention.

[Mendingmysoul]

Were you expecting her to change?? Were you expecting her to be more nurturing??Were you in need of some closure regarding her behaviour towards you?? Hanging on to hope that she will come clean one day and then realizing it will never gonna happen ,now that the person is gone forever brings a lot of grief. I am so sorry.
I would like to get some closure from my mother,before she dies,I also know it may not happen.I am already grieving. By the time she meets her maker,I can be stoic .By any chance if I get a deathbed apology that will come as surprise to me.Hope I am making sense.Hugs.

[Open Eyes]

It can be healing to finally grieve your own losses due to your mother not being there for you the way you needed.

I am sorry, it sounds like your mother lacked in having good parenting skills.

[Travelinglady]

Evidently on some level I was hoping for her to change. My sister said right after my mother died that she was upset my mother didn't have some dear parting words to us, in so many words. I told her I wasn't surprised, since my mother would then be caught up with her own needs. (She had narcissistic personality disorder with borderline characteristics, according to one therapist.)

[RoxanneToto]

It can take a while to come to terms with, our parents not being the people we wanted and needed them to be, and above all deserved to be raised by. I’m sorry your mother wasn’t who you needed her to be

[Open Eyes]

How old was your mother?

[Travelinglady]

90 years old when she passed. Hope springs eternal, huh?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

I don't know why the breakthrough occurred recently, but about three years after my mother's death, I am finally grieving--not so much about her being gone, but over knowing my mother can now never be the mother I needed and wanted. I am finally crying over things she said and did to me that were hurtful and damaging. I think it's a good thing and will be working with a new therapist. Any thoughts? Thanks.

Hugs and respect to you. My mother also had Narcissistic personality disorder (covert) (where do I start with my thoughts on this... not in this thread right now though) I hope your new T will be helpful!

[Travelinglady]

Thanks, Fuzzy!