[Raven1976]

In May I started having some memories about my father which included him laying in bed next to me whispering things to me and another one his body moving back in forth in a sexual motion. I closed my eyes and tried to remember. I know that’s not what most people would do. They would try to forget but I have so much shame from how sexual I was as a child that I just want answers but instead I feel like I may have put false memories in my mind but the fear I experienced with these “memories” were real. My body got stiff and tense and I yelled Stop! I’m my mind. This isn’t first time I’ve tried to remember and that has not always happened that I got scared but someone told me once that if you challenge your natural defense mechanisms you will experience fear. I guess that makes sense. If I were telling myself a tiger was about to chase me and it wasn’t I could eventually convince myself that a tiger was going to chase me and get scared. That doesn’t explain still why sometimes when trying to remember I get scared and do sometimes I don’t. Any advice will help. TIA

[Abusedbysister]

I am sorry about your experience. I would recommend getting the assistance of a caring therapist. While I have no expertise on the matter, I think discussing this with a professional may help you to heal and help you to get the answers to your questions.

[bad4yourKarma]

I definitely agree with the first comment. I've lived through a lot of trauma and it's made my memory pretty awful. Sometimes I'll randomly recall a fraction of a memory; smells, feelings, thoughts, visuals, and so on. It can be difficult to know what's a genuine memory and what isn't - but a professional like a therapist can help you sort out why you're suddenly recalling certain events, and help you overcome the shame that you have regarding how sexual you were as a child.