[wanderingfragments]

content warning for mentions of sexual abuse, no details.


want to be honest here...

i have at least one memory of sexual abuse that i know is more than likely real, (even if i have a hard time believing it...), with an unidentified (male) perpetrator. i also have one fuzzy image of what could be my stepfather actually sexually abusing me, but it's so fuzzy and inconclusive. i genuinely don't know if the second one is real.

but on top of that i have a lot of paranoia that i was sexually abused in other ways by other people that i don't remember, in particular by family members.

one of the people i'm extremely paranoid about having sexually abused me is my mother. i don't know why or where it spawned from. i have a few off-color but generally innocuous memories that wouldn't be conclusive of anything. i don't feel like my paranoia is justified, but it's there all the time.

i generally have a lot of paranoia about having been sexually abused by family members in some way, and i have no idea why. i just know that from a young age i've always been scared of older men in particular.

i want to know how i can make sure i'm not making it up or accidentally creating false memories, or how to prevent creating false memories? i feel like my paranoia could create false memories that cloud real ones, when i need to avoid this in order to process my actual trauma later on.

i do not have a therapist and cannot get one to help me.

[Yaowen]

I wish I had a good answer to your question, but sadly I am at a loss. Hopefully other members here with more knowledge, experience and insight will see your post and respond with something truly helpful to you. It must be so distressing to be in the situation you describe!

[wanderingfragments]

Originally Posted by Yaowen

I wish I had a good answer to your question, but sadly I am at a loss. Hopefully other members here with more knowledge, experience and insight will see your post and respond with something truly helpful to you. It must be so distressing to be in the situation you describe!

sorry for the late response. thank you for your support, i appreciate it. i just think that one of the biggest things i'm afraid of is accidentally creating false memories and complicating treatment. i've accidentally made up alters that weren't there before, and it's taken a long time to get back on track after the damage that did. i don't want anymore of that to happen.