Abused?

Hello , I’m new here and wasn’t sure what category to put this in and I now know after being with councillors that what I went through was abuse but not in what you would say is typical abuse behaviour, I’m on medication and suffer from depression and anxiety, I’m in my 50s now but still struggle

So wind back to when I was 12 I was always fascinated with mums clothes and she always dressed well for her job , I think a lot of boys experiment and I used to love dressing up in her clothes until the inevitable happened and I got caught she went mad ,she spanked me and from then on took every opportunity to embarrass and humiliate me , she took me shopping and she brought lots of underwear ,tights and made my try on dresses/skirts and sandles making me walk home in a dress and sandles much to a lot of people’s amusement
So at home I was dressed on a regular basis for family and friends to see and they knew at school as well , mixed in with spankings at home and lots of public outings in girls clothes it was awful growing up , now I do crossdress not sure why and I find it hard to get turned in unless I’m being embarrassed, I really feel in a never ending loop