[volsinchy]

I have two groups of people around. One is the past friends of my ex, whom he abandoned because of his vulnerable ego. The other is the completely different people. I like to communicate, but I realize that I behave a lot like him, and it causes problems. Also, I was isolated most time of my life and have not much experience in communicating...
In the 1st group, I am very desired, and these people love me no matter what I do (his ex-friend, his wife and son). In the 2nd, they are people that I like, but our interests are quite different. I need to behave like a normal person, but I have a lot of breakdowns. We have a lot to chat about, but the damaged person (me) sometimes cry in the kitchen, and someone needs to deal with this. He is so a nice guy, and say it's not an issue I have breakdowns (he was a therapist in the past and has such a calm and confident 'therapist's voice').
Has anybody mentioned that his thoughts do not belong to him, and he is repeating someone's mistakes and cruel behaviors?
I feel like I learned from him to be cruel, shocking and unemphatic.
How to get rid of this?

[volsinchy]

Now I have terrible breakdowns as I realize that I can't communicate with normal people. That I loved this world so much, and now I'm sending curses to him and his father (I just thought how unfair it was to his kind and wonderful mother, to be captured in these demonic relationships, that she supported fully materially/mentally and actually she was in charge for everything).
His father totally changed her mind with his thoughts. She told me he also beat her when she tried to train their dog. We had several conversations, that were toooo hard (as I said things that were not allowed in this house) and I felt she was a kind and clever woman and not a psychopath at all. But her life was managed by her 'mooching kids' (in brackets because they look like adults).
It's awful and disgusting to realize this. And that I could be the same and have nothing to do with this. Because when you accept that you life belongs to narcissist, you have no choice any more.
How could I trust him? I felt so bad. It's not my choice to live like this.
I hope this will end some time. I hope I will be better, but now every day is a bigger challenge. And no one around, and I used to live with at least someone.
At least a puppet of a person. Demonic nature that have no empathy.
But I beg all powers in this world to be rather alone all my life than with such people again.