I feel like I do not matter

Trigger warning: talk about suicidal ideation, family toxicity and abuse

I feel like I do not matter. My dad died last November. I cut out my family of origin two months ago because I could not take their abuse anymore. I have also cut out all of the people who I thought were my friends recently. Turns out they were all in some manner, had traits of my family. I do not have a support system at the moment except for my two dogs and cat. They are the reason I keep going.

I feel like I am a horrible fur baby mom. My little senior dog is sick and I took him to the vet and he got antibiotics. I could not afford anything though so the vet clinic worked with me luckily.

It hurts because every time I leave my apartment, I get so paranoid of other people judging me, or potentially hurting me in some form.

I keep feeling like I do not matter because if the people who were supposed to love and protect me did not, why should I care about myself?

I do not want to be sad anymore. I have some moments of joy, yet they are so rare. I do not know if the world actually wants me here or if I even matter. I guess I just want some form of hope or anything....

Welcome to MSF @sparklyunicorn24 - I am sorry you were not getting the support you hoped for.

Your fur babies love you. Vets are outrageous and it is okay to just do what you can afford without going into debt. Love them and keep them comfortable. That is enough.

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please tag me by including @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

I compulsively turn to humor. You know the meme, "you had one job!" I say that about my family a lot.