This is something I blogged but also wanted to share here. Mike is my fiancé. We don't care about real first names being used. I'm sorry if it's long, or upsetting to anyone else with similar issues. Hoping for support and insight. Safe hugs, all.

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Mike had a present for me when he came home from work. I said, "But I'm not the one with the birthday coming up." (His is the 18th, and I want to be sure and make it a good one for him.) He said, "Well, that's OK, I wanted to get it for you anyway." He's sweet like that. So he had me pick which sleeve I thought it might be in. I picked one, and out came a CD by Cledus T. Judd, the country music comedian who specializes in parodies of country hits. Playfully Mike asked what would have happened if I'd picked the other sleeve, so I did, and there he had another one. We both like song parodies, he knows I'm partial to country music, and we already had a couple of CTJ CD's that we liked listening to. Therefore, Mike had no way of anticipating a slight negative side effect. But now that it's had that effect, I don't know what to do about it.

Most of the songs were amusing, but there was one I found very upsetting. From the "Bipolar and Proud" CD, the track was "Starkissed," written by Toby Keith and Scotty Emerick. Well, I don't know who the hell Scotty Emerick even is, but neither Toby Keith nor Cledus T. Judd can exactly call themselves skinny. Yet the song is about an overweight fan finding her way onto a country music comedian's tour bus and basically asking, "Would you like some company?" And he answers with something to the effect of, "Get off the bus. I'm so rich and famous I can have all kinds of good-looking women, so I'm not going to be caught dead with someone fat and ugly like you." Last line: "Only the best looking tuna gets to be starkissed." Complete lyrics here. Yeah, I know, it's nothing but a parody of a tuna commercial. I also know that many men, and a good number of slim attractive women would say, "Lighten up. It's only a joke." Some would say I take offense only because I'm a plus size woman myself.

But it horrifies me. It brings back too many painful memories. There's being a teenager, when a neighbor tried to fix me up with a blind date. The guy pulled up in my neighbor's driveway, took one glance at me and laughed, called the neighbor a *****, and put it in reverse. (Note: He was *not* rich and famous, nor was he very good looking himself. In fact, he was butt-ugly. But he rejected me on a single glance. He's allowed to be ugly. I'm not.) Then there's young adulthood, at that night club. I *always* had to approach the men, if I wanted to dance at all. I couldn't sit and wait for them to come up and ask me to dance; I'd be sitting at a table all night and would never make it to the dance floor. So I asked, and the man told me to come back later after he'd had a few drinks, so he'd have an excuse. (No. Of course I didn't. If a man has to be drunk in order to want to dance with me, forget it.) Even into marriage and motherhood, I found that my children's father considered it amusing to sit around with his drughead friends, getting high and swapping one-upmanship stories on the subject of "My woman is uglier, stupider, and less competent as a human being than your woman." (When I took offense, it was my fault for being too sensitive and not having a sense of humor, and besides, "You've got no room to criticize me. Here's a complete list of everything that's wrong with *you.* You should consider yourself lucky to have me.")

You see, songs like "Starkissed" are not funny when you've been through that in real life. I have similar feelings about Ricky Skaggs doing "Honey Won't You Open That Door" which is also supposed to be funny. Too many times in real life, I've been the one inside the house, trembling in fear while some drunk, violent man is pounding on the door yelling, "Woman, you'd BETTER let me in!"

I know Mike would never treat me like that. Any of that. But the one song, amid two CD's full of much funnier ones, brought all this back. The simple solution is never to listen to that song again. But how to handle the fact that it upset me so much... I don't want him to feel bad for bringing it home to me. He had no way of knowing. He'd never heard these CD's before.

I don't want him to be sorry. I don't want him to take the CD back, since it's only one song. I do want him to hug me. Pardon me now while I go ask him to.

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[psychoticcounselor]

i understand that completely. i have been treated like this too. just because u act like it doesnt bother you, it really does.

[Fuzzybear]

[BalishBun]

((((((((((((((((lovebirdsflying))))))))))))))