[Kiya]

...that in a school setting, one would not have to be concerned about triggering material in Grad School.... when studying something as generic as Leadership.

I am having a terrible time in class and I keep forgetting why. But when I go into the class (online) to see how to do the paper that is due in 5 days I get confronted with sex abusers! The only sample provided on how to do the paper is the profs paper on sex offenders (that was his leadership research topic). I can't even get through the title, yet alone read the article. HELLO PTSD. HELLO DID/MPD. Goodbye really good GPA. The only hint we are given with this is "don't do the analysis on it" but this is the model on how to do the paper he wants... and we have to be able to come up with *ways* we would do the analysis on our own papers.
I don't know what to do - he's not thefriendliest guy on the planet who would instill me with confidence to tell him I can't read his paper.

[mtd]

Kiya,

I can relate to being triggered in these types of ways. So much has been triggering to me, sending me reeling into PTSD symptoms. I have worked to become very clear with myself on my boundaries and to assert them in my relationship with others so that I can minimize how often and how badly the PTSD affects me. It is what is necessary to keep myself feeling safe and to believe that I can put an end to paying the price for the inhumanity of those who abused me and left me in such a horrible condition.

One of the hardest parts of this process has been to convince myself that I am worthy of this type of care, this type of protection -- to do so without apology.

For this reason, I think it is important at a time like this to express to your professor how the assignment hurts and triggers you, and that you need an accommodation.

To me, it's a health issue. For example, if a student had bad eyesight, and has to sit in the front of the room to see the board, they should be able to. If a student needs a special chair becuase they have an injured back, they get to have that chair. For you, you need a different topic than one that triggers your PTSD -- a medical condition.

You're entitled to an adjustment in the assignment. I encourage you to ask for what you need. You deserve to do this for yourself, to meet your medical and recovery needs.

I know this is hard. It is easier for me to write this than for you to follow the advice. But you are worth the effort to claim what you need to be comfortable.

I wish you well.

mtd

[Kiya]

MTD Thank you for the post - it is true, I had not thought of it like that. What has been true is that each time, I go in to see the assignment, read the topic -go into ptsd, switch alters, close the internet connection and leave - completely forgetting the assignment. Then next time, same thing. Now I have realized that today was the 4th time this has happened over the weeks. And each time i forget! Not only of the topic, but of the assignment, too. It is amazing the power these things have.
I also just read one of your other posts in answer to mine on some long forgotten subject - also very insightful, thank you.

Yes, it will be hard to tell him that.... will see if I am able. My actual research topis is on schools, but we are all supposed to read his research and create the topic the same way. I was unable to read it the first time we were asked at the begining of the term. I will have to see if I can find out another way by asking the students. It is difficult because this is an online class and I have no interaction with any of my classmates. I have to be creative, and think out side the bun

Wishing you well also, and again thank you for the insights.
Kiya